Dear John

I wanted to write you a letter
But it didn't seem appropriate
When you were such a pain in the arse
And now it's time to reciprocate.

I decided to do something else,
Something quite devilish, in fact.
I went to the doctor to ask for help
And didn't spare the tact.

The doctor gave me something
That I think will help me to mend,
A magic little potion
With you on the receiving end.

Because the doctor was a special one,
Not of the medical kind,
But of the mysterious persuasion
And could help me in my bind.

Now every time you sit down
I hope you'll think of me
As those little pockets of pain
Fill me with such glee.

You'll never know how I managed it,
My neat little trick -
A dose of your own medicine
Because you were a dick.

Or maybe I should use a different phrase,
One a little closer to home
After all, you were an arsehole,
And this is a wonderful syndrome.

I hope the irritation comes
In heaps and mounds and piles
Because the thought of it
Has given me endless smiles.