A Letter to a Lover Never Known

If I could but send this letter
So much happier I might be
Knowing that you sought to receive it
And thought warmly of me.

My hand trembles at the notion
Of you laying eyes upon these words
I that I have crafted so carefully
As a sculptor carving feathers on wooden birds.

I drift through my imagination,
Stopping but here and there;
A tourist in my own mind sometimes,
Going beyond that which I thought I would dare.

But as I write these scant lines to you
My heart skips more than an occasional beat.
It races, it jumps, it stops in my throat
And plummets as if through my feet.

As I pen these words I long to say
My stomach turns itself in knots.
I grow giddy with anticipation
And before my eyes I see spots.

The ink seeps lovingly into the page,
A little rushed but none too soon.
Too long I have waited to tell you
And, the thought, how it makes me swoon.

So won't you forgive me this letter I write
For it comes completely from the heart.
I mean to cause no tension
Nor to prise any relationship apart.

I do not wish to be selfish or greedy
Or demand what isn't rightfully mine.
My intention is not to make you feel guilty
And I apologise if I have crossed a line.

But I cannot bear the thought
Of living always chasing a dream,
For no man can live up to the thought of you -
Your qualities are a recurring theme.

I must find a man who is funny,
Who's wit is beyond compare -
He must have me rolling in the aisles
And smiling in the depths of despair.

He needs to be handsome, but naturally so,
With a twinkle in the corner of his eye,
but without a notion of the superficial
And doesn't ogle every woman who goes by.

There must be some intelligence to him,
I couldn't bear an oaf, a lout or a clod.
A love of literature, music and fine arts
But not a snob or beastly sod.

A touch of romance wouldn't go astray
As long as it is genuinely bestowed -
A gift from the heart that is true
And not given in order to be owed.

If he could whip up a dish in the kitchen
Of a morning or later at night
I would lose my heart in an instant -
Faster than love at first sight.

He should be in control of his emotions
But not keep them bottled inside -
A man who stands for what he believes in
But won't be swallowed by his pride.

Lastly, he should be available,
Not already somehow attached,
Because I cannot suffer the struggle
To fight for a perfect match.

To these years, more than a decade,
I have given of myself every day
Without thought of reciprocation
Except in daydreams along the way.

I have never expected, asked or demanded
A return on my investment in you;
Even now I cannot fathom that you would
And it does not make me feel blue.

I have known all along, my sweet,
That what we have is all in my mind.
I oft thought that it would dissipate
And be all but left behind.

It never has been, though.
It stays and lurks and grows.
I hide from it and deny it
And fear the whole world knows.

So please release me from this torture
That I enjoy so much.
I am spoiled for all future loves
Without ever having felt your touch.