The Confession

17/01/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



On Monday I confessed my love for you

You said you had stuff to do

Nothing more was said on that

As I watched you walk out over the welcome mat



On Tuesday I confessed my love for you

You asked about my favourite shade of blue

I thought a while before I said

I’m really rather into red



On Wednesday I confessed my love for you

While we wandered through the zoo

You were busy with the snakes

And wondering what kind of a selfie a monkey takes



On Thursday I confessed my love for you

But you were concerned with what I knew

About transcontinental railway journeys

And whether they gave discounts to attorneys



On Friday I confessed my love for you

You powdered the end of your billiard cue

Trying so hard to look so cool

While at the same time playing the fool



On Saturday I confessed my love for you

We were standing there, admiring the view

The waves crashing on the beach

And birds flying just out of reach



On Sunday I confessed my love for you

You complained about your new shoe

And that you’d need to take it back

When you really needed to pack



One day I will confess out loud

For now, it hangs over me like a cloud

I really should tell you before you go

But I’m afraid of your reaction once you know

Temptation

02/01/2021 - Poem a Day Compilation



That which I saw, I wanted –

To touch, to hold, to have –

Yet you were not mine to possess

And I had no choice but to resist.



The desire flowed through me completely,

Taking over my every sense,

And my only defence was you

Being of sound and moral character.



I craved your undivided attention

With every fibre of my being,

Regardless of the damage

It would undoubtedly do to me.



I fought the urge to tell you,

Knowing my rejection would surely follow;

My heart, at once broken

And hopeful at the very same time.



I could not stand it when we touched

Ever for the barest of moments,

The impulses it sent coursing through me

Made my brain tingle and spark.



My appetite for your embrace

Grew with every passing day

For when you wrapped your arms around me

There was no safer place I could be.





When we parted I wanted to scream

My longing to the night sky

But, instead, I breathed in sweet relief

That you held my heart at arms-length.



This attraction towards you that I felt

Pulled me nearer and nearer to you

Until I could bear it no longer

And I retreated into my shell.



The temptation to break the rules

Is just as strong now as it was then,

But I know this yearning is not reciprocated

And I would be the one to be broken.

Caught

30/12/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



I caught a glimpse of you

I didn’t now where it would lead



I caught my breathe when you spoke

I wanted that moment to last forever



I caught myself when I fell for you

Because you are out of my reach

This Poem is Not For You

16/11/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



This poem is not for you.

It is for me,

And only me,

Because if you saw it

My heart would break

And I would never want

For you to knowingly

Be the cause of my pain.



I know what I need:

To release you

So I may be released

But I fear not feeling,

I fear the emptiness

That would pervade my soul

When I no longer yearn

For something I can’t have.



This poem is not for you.

It is for my heart

And it’s unrequited love

Because I cannot tell you

My heart’s desire

And the longing I feel

For you to be mine and

Be part of my world.



I am bound, inextricably,

To a feeling I cannot share

So to set myself free

But I do not wish to be free

I cannot exist beyond this cage

That I have built around myself

When it’s all I have left

For my heart to hold onto.



This poem is not for you.

It is a cry into the void

And you are not there

Because you don’t belong;

My world is not your world

And I cannot ask

For you to step out of yours and

Be uncomfortable in mine.



I wish things could be different,

To have this feeling transform

So you could feel it too

But that is not possible:

I am alone in this void

That I have created

When I knew there was no chance

For us to be as I hoped.

Just Friends

23/10/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



You’re just a stone's throw away

I feel like I could reach out and touch you

But you’re just beyond my reach

And it’s killing me.



It’s just as I expected, though.

I don’t deserve someone like you.

You’re just too good to be true

And I’m far from it.



Just because I desire something

Doesn’t mean I have any right to it

And I just have to accept the fact

That I will never have you



You just don't get it, though.

The way I feel about you,

It isn’t right or just

That I should be tortured like this.

The Girl on the Trapeze

13/07/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation


I was five when I first fell in love.

The costumes. The performers. The show.

It sparked my childish imagination

And distracted me from all reality.



But the one that really caught my eye

Was the girl high up on the trapeze.

She flew with the grace of an angel

And captured my heart so young.



Her smile was utterly contagious,

Dazzling as she twisted and turned,

And I was mesmerized by her motion,

Oh, so far up above my young head.



I wanted to be just like her

Soaring above the crowd every night

Not a care in the world to worry about

And so glamorous she appeared to be.



But that was a long time ago,

And I have learned so much since then;

Though every time I see a circus tent

I am five years old again.

Jealousy

08/05/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

You steal the time I should have

Sitting by his side.

He laps up your attention but

It eats away at my pride.

 

I see how he looks at you –

I should be the object of his gaze.

He hangs off every word of yours

As if a magical turn of phrase.

 

Your touch lingers on his arm

But he doesn’t pull away.

I want to yell and scream for it to stop

But there’s nothing I can say.

 

His prime but a memory,

He is entranced by your youth.

You play to his maturity –

Men your own age so uncouth.

 

I want to scrub his mind of your visage,

Replace it with my own;

Tell him of how I feel,

How the love I have has grown.

 

But would I admit this feeling,

This green-eyed monster in me,

That claws at my heart strings

And is clear for all to see?

In battle

Here I sit in quiet contemplation

Regretting all I didn’t say to you

Knowing I couldn’t say it, still

Wanting to be more brave,

Or perhaps more stupid, than before

Because I’ve wanted to tell you

So many times up til this point.

Maybe you know but can’t say

For the same reasons that I can’t

And all that’s keeping us from each other

Is a thirty year old pledge

As worthless as the paper it’s written on.

I didn’t have the courage fifteen years ago,

When we sat together for what felt like forever,

And you confessed to me that it was simply

A vow you had made and couldn’t break.

I was afraid of what you were telling me

And relieved that you didn’t ask it of me

But now my feelings are conflicted

And I don’t know if I want to give in

Or be stronger than I ever thought possible.

I wish I could have relied on Dutch courage,

And been open and honest with you,

Because I’d carry any baggage you had,

I’d take the weight of the world on my shoulders

And receive the guilt that was laid at my door.

Denouement

I cannot think of red roses

Or boxes of chocolates right now;

There's no romantic dinners

Or strolls by the beach after dark.

It hurts too much to be hopeful

When it's unrealistic and unwise.

My heart will not take the rejection

Nor the knowing without having to ask.

I must sleep alone in this bed

As I have always done.

There can be no other option

And I cannot wish for more.

If I believed in God I would pray

But that seems a futile exercise

When the air cannot hear my pleas

Nor respond with anything by sighs.

I so desperately want to fill

The void in my soul right now,

But hopes and dreams melt away

Until I am cold and alone once more.

Foray into the Unknown

Should I take that first step,
Tentative and more than unsure,
Into a new arena
Where I enter blind?

I cannot fathom what might be,
What may be behind the door,
And I tremble
With anticipation.

I do not dare imagine a time
Where this is cast to the annals of history
And we are one,
Not living a lie.

Would it live up to all expectations,
When it's all I have dreamed of lately,
Or will it fail
Like every other?

It would break my heart in two,
Possible shatter in a million pieces,
If I opened the door
And you weren't there.

This venture could be my undoing,
The last resort of a desperate woman,
But I want it,
And always desired it.

A Letter to a Lover Never Known

If I could but send this letter
So much happier I might be
Knowing that you sought to receive it
And thought warmly of me.

My hand trembles at the notion
Of you laying eyes upon these words
I that I have crafted so carefully
As a sculptor carving feathers on wooden birds.

I drift through my imagination,
Stopping but here and there;
A tourist in my own mind sometimes,
Going beyond that which I thought I would dare.

But as I write these scant lines to you
My heart skips more than an occasional beat.
It races, it jumps, it stops in my throat
And plummets as if through my feet.

As I pen these words I long to say
My stomach turns itself in knots.
I grow giddy with anticipation
And before my eyes I see spots.

The ink seeps lovingly into the page,
A little rushed but none too soon.
Too long I have waited to tell you
And, the thought, how it makes me swoon.

So won't you forgive me this letter I write
For it comes completely from the heart.
I mean to cause no tension
Nor to prise any relationship apart.

I do not wish to be selfish or greedy
Or demand what isn't rightfully mine.
My intention is not to make you feel guilty
And I apologise if I have crossed a line.

But I cannot bear the thought
Of living always chasing a dream,
For no man can live up to the thought of you -
Your qualities are a recurring theme.

I must find a man who is funny,
Who's wit is beyond compare -
He must have me rolling in the aisles
And smiling in the depths of despair.

He needs to be handsome, but naturally so,
With a twinkle in the corner of his eye,
but without a notion of the superficial
And doesn't ogle every woman who goes by.

There must be some intelligence to him,
I couldn't bear an oaf, a lout or a clod.
A love of literature, music and fine arts
But not a snob or beastly sod.

A touch of romance wouldn't go astray
As long as it is genuinely bestowed -
A gift from the heart that is true
And not given in order to be owed.

If he could whip up a dish in the kitchen
Of a morning or later at night
I would lose my heart in an instant -
Faster than love at first sight.

He should be in control of his emotions
But not keep them bottled inside -
A man who stands for what he believes in
But won't be swallowed by his pride.

Lastly, he should be available,
Not already somehow attached,
Because I cannot suffer the struggle
To fight for a perfect match.

To these years, more than a decade,
I have given of myself every day
Without thought of reciprocation
Except in daydreams along the way.

I have never expected, asked or demanded
A return on my investment in you;
Even now I cannot fathom that you would
And it does not make me feel blue.

I have known all along, my sweet,
That what we have is all in my mind.
I oft thought that it would dissipate
And be all but left behind.

It never has been, though.
It stays and lurks and grows.
I hide from it and deny it
And fear the whole world knows.

So please release me from this torture
That I enjoy so much.
I am spoiled for all future loves
Without ever having felt your touch.

All Too Sensible

Listen to the strings of my heart,
A quiet melody is being played -
So soft and soothing, so pure -
But it is the only thing I hear.

Your voice may break through
Into the melody to become one.
Your words would sound just as sweet
Even if they were so harsh.

Look closely, deeply, into my eyes;
Don't be surprised by what you see.
There is a light behind them
That shines through for you.

Your eyes burn into me -
They tell of a hidden passion
Deeper than either of us knows
And it spreads to reality like fire.

Feel my touch on your bare skin,
Delicately my fingers pass over you,
But even this small contact
Has a power that is uncontrollable.

Your hands are refused their release
By a society that you created.
You are locked up, behind a wall,
And you can't reach out to another.

Sensations overwhelm us if we let them
But fear will never let us be happy
And, if we are afraid of feeling for one,
We won't feel for anyone at all.

Beware

Beware of those eyes that draw me in
Rejoice in that smile which lures me in
Employ every ounce of willpower to resist you

Never allow the faintest of touches
Deny every emotional response that emerges
Accept the inevitable knowledge of rejection

Neglect to mention the burning desire
Impart no indication of something lurking below
Somehow behave as if nothing has changed

Believe that if it’s meant to be it will be
Engage that self control which has kept me safe
Absorb the warmth of our friendship

Understand why the constraints exist

Tell myself there’s nothing there
Identify the method to keep me sane

Forget the twinkle in your eye
Upset the rhythm of the attraction
Love the person, hate the game

Unable to Express

I cannot seem to find
The words that I need
When I want to use them –
When you’re around.

I want to say you’re beautiful –

A transcendent light radiates
From your very soul
And shines through your eyes.

I want to say you’re wonderful –

A deity in human form

Sent to enrich my life
And steal my heart.

I want to say you’re humourous –

A wit of unknown proportions
Keeping me amused at every turn
And filling me with joy.

One day I will find my voice,

I just hope it’s not too late
And you haven’t disappeared
Like so many before.

Untitled Obsession

It does not matter how far you are
Or how much time has elapsed,
The mere mention of your name
Or the sight of your picture
Brings a smile to my face.

If I could wake every morning
To the twinkle in your eye
I think my heart might melt,
My mind might switch off
And my body might be at rest.

For now I sit and contemplate
A life that will never be
Yet which continues to engulf me
With a sense of overwhelming love
And a friendship that will never die.

I count the days until we meet
And mourn the ours after we part;
I rejoice in the time we spend together
For there is little in this world of ours
That can fill me with such joy.

One day I may muster up the courage
To tell you that which is obvious
And that which you must already know,
That which makes me sigh contentedly
And weep uncontrollably as well.

I miss our casual flirtations
That I hid true feelings behind,
Knowing that it could go no further
Than those fleeting moments
Of seemingly faked intimacy.

On more than one occasion
My toes felt the precipice -
A point of no return -
Once stepped over by either party
Would spell certain catastrophe.

How I wished to leap headlong
Over the edge and into your arms,
Where those gentle kisses meant more
Than a friendly hello or goodbye
And my heart would feel at home.

If I could put into words at all
How that embrace made me feel,
But satisfied hardly does it justice,
Nor safe and secure either,
It being something more than affection.

One day, when I am older and wiser,
I will know which way to jump.
For the foreseeable future I have only
This thin grasp on plausible deniability
Which can carry me through those years.

I don't want to push you away,
Though I feel I already have
As that once close and tender bond
Feels increasingly fragile and untenable
Wholly due to my desperate desire.

The time when I could have reached out
Has long since passed me by
Yet somewhere deep within me
A hope remains somewhat intact
That I may be able to extend my hand.

I have never known if you would take it,
Though often times I thought you might
As you sat by me long ago
And held me close to your heart
So I felt I would never fall.

If I had not been so a-feared,
So terrified of what might come to pass,
I may have shown more daring
To create a dream come true,
Not let it waste away to memory.

I have always said you were the one,
The only one in actual fact,
That I would circumvent morality
To have you wrap your arms around me
And whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

But today I am as happy
As this forlorn situation will allow.
The smile which adorns my face
Is genuine in every respect
And my heart is leaping for joy

Because I know it won't be very long
Until I can hold you in my arms,
Even if for the briefest of moments,
And bathe in the unwavering glow
Of your tolerance for my gushing.