Saturday, May 23, 2020

The Affair That Never Was, Or Might Have Been

23/05/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I don’t know when it started.

The casual flirting on both sides,

Feeling perfectly natural and quite alright,

But looking back, sin hides.

 

              Do you remember me sitting there

              With your wife just beside us,

              Your hand on my bare thigh

              But no one made a fuss.

 

There were clearly signs we missed,

Or maybe chose to ignore.

And once we stepped over each line

We couldn’t return to the one before.

 

              We’d dance together, laugh together,

              Forget the rest of the world.

              We’d wine together, dine together,

              Our friendship fully unfurled.

 

The moment came, I remember well,

As we stood together that day,

Away from everybody else

Without a word to say.

 

              We understood each other

              (ourselves not so much),

              We both knew on some level

              This wouldn’t stop with a touch.

 

We faced out to the ocean,

You wrapped your arms around me.

This was nothing new, you know,

It was a natural way to be.

 

              I wanted to melt into you,

              Dreams and reality to be one,

              Our love blinding us forever,

              Burning brighter than the sun.

 

I felt you pressed against my back

And closed my eyes to the view.

I wanted to hold onto the moment

And be forever with you.

 

              I knew what I wanted from you

              But I was afraid of asking –

              Maybe you didn’t feel it

              Or were you too good at masking?

 

You dropped your head and kissed mine,

Light and delicately placed

And even now I’m taken back

To when you made my heart race.

 

              I turned to face you then

              And we shared a knowing look

              My heart crying out for you

              And my heart an open book.

 

But no matter what my heart wanted

My mind had to draw the line

And not allow us to step over

No matter how I may pine.

 

              I sunk my face into your chest,

              My cheek against your shirt;

              I felt safe and warm and loved

Far beyond a simple flirt.

 

I’ve dreamt of what might have been,

Our lips have met in my sleep,

But in real life I pulled away

And this secret I would keep.

 

              You tucked your hand under my chin

              To look into my eyes,

              I caught my breath in anticipation

              And your mouth told no lies.

 

But what if I hadn’t?

What might have been?

Where might we be now?

How would we be seen?

 

              Our worlds collided then,

              There was no turning back –

              Changing the course of history;

              Walking down a different track

 

We’ve stayed friends through this

But it’s not the same as it was before

Never knowing that connection

And always wanting more.

 

              The secret we kept weighed heavily,

              Moments stolen when we could,

              Not wanting to let you go

              Even though it was for the greater good.

 

I could have asked you to choose

But I knew what you’d say.

I’d rather let you go

Than have you throw me away.

 

              I’d always want more

              Than you could ever give,

              And you’d return home to her

              Yet, somehow, I’d forgive.

 

It’s been more than a decade

And I still long for your touch.

Fleeting hugs drag me in,

But feelings cost too much.

 

              But I could never forgive myself

              For wanting what wasn’t mine.

              I begged for you to stay with me,

              Or for some kind of sign.

 

My heart breaks when I see you

And I know this never ends

But I can’t give you up

My torment is that we’re friends.

 

              Together, we’d light fireworks

              Alone, the dark crept in.

              I could not keep our secret,

              I wished for it not to begin.

 

Even in my dreams

You’re not the one for me

And I pray that you’ll release me,

Please, set me free.

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