Home from Work

08/10/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



I’m stretched out on the couch

Exhausted beyond comprehension

Colour drained from my face,

Not that you’d notice under the makeup.



I’m too tired to eat anything tonight,

I know the others will want food

But they can wait a few minutes more

Until I’ve summoned the energy.



I’m proud of myself, though –

I managed to get through the day

Only needing to leave the office twice

For a quiet cry in the bathroom.



I’m terrified of the days I don’t cry

Because it feels like I’m forgetting

And I don’t want to forget

But I can’t live like this forever.



I’m trying so hard to not fall apart,

To not let anyone in my life down,

Yet I know I’m letting everyone down

Because I can’t make them understand.



I’m trying to spare them from this loss.

No one should have to feel like I do

Or grieve for someone they never met

When I carry enough grief for us all.



I’m not up to clearing the room out yet,

All the toys are still carefully arranged,

The furniture we’d saved from our first

Dragged out of the garage not so long ago.



I’m not ready to face that final hurdle.

I haven’t even opened the door

When seeing the name plate breaks me

In more ways than I could have imagined.



I’m alone with my thoughts too often

To be comfortable with them right now,

They overwhelm me still

And I need the distraction of company.



I’m aware that those we told the news

Have run out of words to say

And aren’t able to put their lives on hold

To cradle this family back to health.



I’m running out of pre-cooked meals

That saved me from thinking too much

When all I had to do was press reheat

On the microwave on the kitchen bench.



I’m sorely lacking any clean clothes

Because I’ve forgotten to do the laundry

For two weeks straight, now,

After my mother went home.



I’m lucky I don’t have to drive to work

Because I’m sure I wouldn’t make it there,

Not in one piece anyway,

And I don’t want to leave them short.



I’m sorry I had to use my leave

So much earlier than I expected

But I was in too much pain

And my brain wouldn’t function.



I’m afraid that the ache in my heart will stop

But the one in the pit of my stomach

Will carry on for the rest of my days

Leaving me numb and nauseous forever.



I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do

With this affection I developed.

I don’t know how to process it

And I am left feeling empty.



I’m struggling without even a photo to hold,

Just the agonising passing of time

Feeling the life drain from me

Slowly and excruciatingly.



I’m scared of the look on people’s face

When the words come out of my mouth

And it’s all I can do not to break completely

When they can offer no more than sympathy.