Following Orders

09/11/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



I didn’t know it would be like this.



When I signed up, I was so young,

Idealistic and full of hope,

Probably with a good dose of naivety

Thrown in for good measure.



It was employment that paid well,

Gave me structure and discipline,

At a time in my life that was uncertain

And I needed a steadying influence.



I didn’t know how easy it would be.



I was swayed by the camaraderie

That was lacking elsewhere in my life;

I had no real friends that I could count on

Nor family to have my back.



That’s how they get you, though,

By providing that which you’re missing

And making you so dependent

That you don’t think you can live without them.



I didn’t know how quickly it would happen.



There’s little things you see at first

That you ignore because it’s not worth it –

Not worth the effort of making a fuss

Because these people are not just colleagues.



You ignore the things they do and say

And each time you do it gets worse

Because they know you won’t say anything,

Because you didn’t the last time.



They keep pushing the boundaries,

Seeing how much you’ll let them get away with

And you don’t want to believe they’re capable

Of the things you know they’ve done.



I didn’t know I could be duped like that.



Before you know it, you’re in just as deep

As everyone else around you

Feeling obliged to keep following orders

Even if they go against your moral character.



You do things that you never thought you would

Because there is no questioning authority,

If you are told to do something, you do it,

Regardless of the consequences.



I didn’t know I could be so heartless.



When all is said and done,

I have no one to blame but myself

Because I compromised my values

For a comfortable life and some prestige.



But there’s no prestige in being the bad guy

And it’s cold comfort we built the roads

When those roads are built on the lies

And we were paid at the expense of others lives.



I didn’t know I could be so compromised.



The day has come when I must face my actions

And I must bear all responsibility.

Following orders is no excuse

When I had a choice at every step.



I chose to not question my superiors,

I chose to ignore what my eyes could see.

I must answer for what I chose for myself

When it broke so many of my countrymen.



I didn’t know I could abandon my humanity.



There are no amount of apologies I can make

That will bring back those that are lost

Or turn back the clock

To undo all the wrongs in my past.



I will be held accountable

And not hide behind my position

Because I need to prove to myself that

I am better than my action show me to be.



I didn’t know it would be this hard, though.

A Decision in Time

05/05/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation



Today I might to decide to get a puppy.

Not just any puppy – A rescue puppy –

Not because I must but because

It exists within me to care.



Or maybe I’ll be a cat instead,

They seem so much more independent

And I wouldn’t have to take them for a walk,

Just make sure they don’t eat the bird.



Today I might decide to save those few dollars

That I would have spent on a takeaway

And put them in a piggy bank

Safe for a rainy day.



Or I might give it to the homeless guy

Who looks like he needs a hot meal

And, though it won’t buy much,

It’s more than he’s had all week.



Today I might decide to eat a salad for lunch

Because it’s time I looked after myself

And stopped over-indulging

On comfort foods and junk.



Or I might have the slice of cake

That was left over from my birthday

Because it’s not right to waste food

Especially when it’s so delicious.



Today I might decide to go for a run

To get the blood pumping though my veins,

Air flowing through my lungs,

And my muscles stronger than before.



Or I might sit on the couch under a blanket

And binge watch that latest TV show

That everyone’s raving about but of which

I don’t quite understand the premise.



Today I might decide to read a book

And get lost in its pages,

Captured by its characters and themes,

Transported to a different realm.



Or I might go to bed earlier than usual,

Get a full night’s sleep for once,

And hopefully wake up refreshed,

Not like I’ve been hit by a truck.



Today I might decide to get excited –

About what, I don’t know –

But I will approach it with enthusiasm

And overbrimming with the trill of it.



Or I might just plod through the day

Avoiding conflict and surprise,

Having a day where I simply exist

And don’t have to exert myself.



Today I might decide to follow my dreams

And change my career path,

Take on that role I know suits me

More than any other has done.



Or I might make the best of this job,

Creating the role I want for myself

From within the existing constraints

And blowing them to kingdom come.



Today I might decide to choose the right guy

To settle down with for the future

Who treats me as I should be treated

And accepts me, faults and all.



Or I might choose Mt Right Now,

Who makes me feel exponentially good

If but for a fleeting moment in time

And then disappears into the ether.



Today I might decide to catch up with friends

Who actually get me,

Who rejoice in my absurdity,

And who understand my weaknesses.



Or I might hang with new friends

Because then I can pretend to be someone

Infinitely different from who I am,

If only for a day.



Today I might decide to love myself

Because if I don’t, who will?

And I deserve to be loved

Just like everyone else.