A Day at the Zoo

07/06/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

Early in the morning,

Before the birds were up,

The keepers were arriving

Ahead of a busy day.

 

Some were preparing lessons

For a host of excursioning kids

Happy for a day away from school

And ready to monkey around.

 

Others were rehearsing talks,

Not wanting to trip over words

Like Giraffa Camelopardalis, or maybe

Parastratiosphecomyia stratiosphecomyioides.

 

 Some staff won’t see the public today,

They’re working behind the scenes,

Taking part in on the job training

Scooping poop and shovelling hay.

 

The first visitors have started arriving,

By train, car and ferry,

Eager for a cable car trip

Over the tree canopies.

 

Eager young faces press against glass

To see a lizard or spider or snake,

Their eyes adjusting to the darkness

Of the nocturnal house of the bats.

 

The peacock strutting by is a marvel

Until it suddenly unveils its tail,

The wails of terror from the young child

Are heard by animals far and wide.

 

The adults have gathered around early

For the first keepers talk of the day

Followed by the opportunity to feed

The head and the end of such a long neck.

 

Little boys run to see the monkeys

Hoping to see, maybe just once,

A chimp grad a handful of faeces

And hurl it at some unsuspecting sap.

 

To one side a new exhibit is opening,

A keeper babysitting some fresh, new faces –

Baby meerkats exploring their forever home

Before being unveiled to the rest of the world.

 

Little girls giggle with delight

As a wallaby eats from their hand

And keep a wary eye on the emu

Who strides by as if it owns the place.

 

In the rehabilitation aquarium

A stingray high fives a small child

As it glides effortless through the water

Being given the very best of care.

 

In a room behind the koala house,

The keepers wait with baited breath

As a tiny new life emerges

Confirming another generation to be adored.

 

It’s all go in the veterinary surgery –

A tiger with a bad tooth –

The keepers getting a rare cuddle

With the giant anaesthetised beast.

 

Meanwhile, other big cats are purring

And posing for photos like pros –

From cheetahs to lions to jaguars –

Just like their puny domestic friends.

 

Soon the gates will once again close

And the keepers will go home for the night,

Leaving the animals safe in their enclosures

As security guards turn off the lights.

Camping on the Streets

06/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I’d always loved camping.

We’d pitch a tent and build a fire,

Toast marshmallows and eat baked beans

Cooked under the stars each night.

 

This isn’t like that.

There’s no tend to pitch around here.

Even if we had one,

How do you peg it to the concrete path?

 

There is sometimes a fire.

Burning rubbish we’ve collected

That’s overflowed from bins

Or people have dropped in the gutter.

 

I can’t remember the last time

I actually had marshmallows.

My last meal was three weeks ago.

Yesterday I had discarded crusts.

 

I’m still under the stars.

Those immutable lights in the sky,

Shining down on my unclean self

Cleaning only my soul.

 

It wasn’t always like this.

At first, we slept in spare beds

And on couches of friends

Whose parents knew us.

 

There’s only so long you can stay,

No matter how good a friend they are

Before you start to become a burden

And have to move on to the next one.

 

Until one day, there’s no one left –

No spare beds left to crash in

No couches left to surf –

And you don’t know where to go.

 

We can’t go home –

That doesn’t exist anymore.

Relatives won’t take us

Because we broke our father’s heart.

 

I don’t know how that works

That they’d put him ahead of us

After he broke our mother’s spirit

And too many bones to count.

 

I don’t know if she’s in a better place,

Hell can’t be any worse than where we were.

But she didn’t take us with her,

She only left her screams.

 

They system couldn’t help us,

We were too old, to used, too broken.

And society wouldn’t help us,

Not in any meaningful way.

 

It’s not too bad in the summer,

As long as it doesn’t rain.

People seem to be in a better mood

And they’re more open to giving.

 

It might be only a few coins each day

But more than I had to be begin with.

That day I might get a sandwich

That I can share with my family.

 

In summer the shelters are less full,

You can maybe get a bed for a change.

Even just a warm shower

Is better than standing in the rain.

 

I know people who have been here

Since they were the same age as me,

And now they’re in their min-forties

But looking eighty instead.

 

I’ve dragged myself into the city

To see if I can’t get some soup.

The suburbs are infinitely safer

But the resources don’t stretch than far.

 

I’ve got an appointment tomorrow

To see if I can’t get some work

But who’d hire someone like me

Who hasn’t even got a fixed abode?

 

I don’t want to live on the streets.

I don’t want to be out there tonight.

I don’t want to fear every footstep

That passes me as I try to sleep.

 

Maybe tomorrow will change my life,

I’m not hold my breath that it will,

But if I can get myself out of this cycle

Then maybe I have a chance.

 

I just want to be seen as a person

Not just a number or even a statistic.

I want to be given a chance at life

Rather than this poor excuse for existence.

 

I am more than one of 116 thousand

Who are homeless in this country this year.

And so are those thousands of people

Who are so often abused and maligned.

 

I am more than one of 8 thousand

Who share this concrete jungle each night

And so are the men and the women

You step over in your rush to work.

 

I am more than a face for your pamphlet

That you stick on the fridge to remind you

That you won this lottery called life

But it all could be gone in a flash.

Leaving Home

05/06/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I’m leaving home for the first time.

I really don’t want to but I must.

The world outside scares me more

Than it ever has before.

 

I see the people around me

Acting as if everything is fine.

My heart is beating out of my chest.

Is this really what’s for the best?

 

Life must return to normal

After everything we’ve been through

But I’m terrified to touch your hand

And of where that cough might land.

 

I’m going to have to get used to

Being in the outside world again;

Though I’d really rather not be here

I have to fight my way through the fear.

 

You might call me paranoid

But I’d rather keep my family safe

Than act like this is no big deal,

Then see them suffer and not heal.

 

So forgive me, this mask I wear

When I am too close for my own comfort.

It is for their protection

And not a form of rejection.

 

Maybe soon I’ll be able to be

At one as I once was.

Living free from all these damned concerns,

Enjoying the world as it turns.

 

When I must return to work again

I will be counting on all of you

To have been just as cautious –

To think otherwise makes me nauseous.

Wedding Day

04/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I’ve given up on the idea of a wedding.

 

The Dress

The Bouquet

The Ring

 

I’d quite fancy a big party but

I don’t think I like that many people.

 

I held on to the desire for my own wedding

For such a long time,

And even now, sometimes,

A flicker of hope can be seen

Like an ember in a dying fire.

 

Maybe because it’s hard to let go

Of the feeling that maybe,

Someday,

Someone would love you enough

To want to spend their life with you.

 

But that’s not going to happen.

Beyond Work

03/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

Work used to be a refuge,

A safe place to hide away

But now I’m filled with anxiety

Because I know you’ll be there.

 

It started innocently enough

With a laugh over coffee or lunch

I never thought of it being more

And never that I’d fear seeing you.

 

I thought I felt you staring

But I told myself I was mistaken.

You were so nice and so helpful

And I was just starting out.

 

Occasionally we’d bump into each other

And we passed in the busy hall.

It didn’t seem unusual,

Except it seemed to happen a lot.

 

I knew it was a bit of a boys club

And the jokes were a bit off colour

But you made the jokes just to me

Not in a crowd like the other blokes.

 

As we talked about upcoming projects

You’d casually put your hand on my arm.

It made me feel uncomfortable

And I’d step back out of your reach.

 

You asked me out for drinks

On an almost weekly basis.

It didn’t matter if I said no,

You ask again, as if for the first time.

 

We went to a meeting with the bosses

And I thought I’d be safe from you there

But you insisted on hugging me afterwards

As congratulations for getting the job done.

 

You’d ask me about my boyfriends,

What they were like and why we broke up,

How much sex we had when together

And whether they had any particular kinks.

 

I found it incredibly creepy

When you’d talk about my body and shape,

Especially with the other men in the office

Who laughed, uncomfortably, along.

 

The more times I rejected you

The more sexual your taunts became

Your tawdry jokes took a sinister bent

And your tone was more or less insulting.

 

The intrusion didn’t stay confined

To the office or workshop out the back,

You started sending me emails

And pictures that’d make a nun blush.

 

One night the team went out for drinks

And I stayed away from you as much as I could

But you cornered me at the bar

And planted a kiss on my neck.

 

I threw my drink over you,

Accidently on purpose, you know.

I could see the anger in your eyes

And I made my excuses to leave.

 

I requested a transfer in the office

To a department far away from you

And they seemed to know why I was asking

Without me having to say a word.

 

But sometimes I couldn’t avoid you,

And you seemed to think it was my fault

That you’d be brought in for a chat

About behaving appropriately at work.

 

You demanded to know why I wouldn’t

Engage with you in private,

Suggesting you’d be the best lover

That I’d ever know in my life.

 

You described in explicit detail

What you wanted to do to me, then.

Holding me to the wall with your body

So I’d have to hear every filthy word.

 

I could hold my tongue no longer,

I had not wanted to make any trouble

But you left me no choice in the end

And I spoke out to any and all.

 

I didn’t see you clearing out your desk.

I didn’t want to be there when you left.

I felt guilty for what you made me do

Even though it was never my fault.

 

But if I thought I could breathe easy

I was very much sadly mistaken.

I saw you that same day on my bus

Despite you living in the opposite direction.

 

I knew you knew where I lived

So there was no point trying to hide

But I had to get inside quickly

And lock all the windows and deadbolt the door.

 

Sometimes I could feel your presence

Even when I couldn’t see your face,

When I did my shopping on weekends

Or went out for dinner with my friends.

 

I blocked each new email you created

And reported your social media profiles

Every time you sent me a dick pic

Or a link to some kind of porn.

 

I told my friends about you.

I told all your former colleagues at work.

Some thought I was exaggerating.

Others knew from where I was coming.

 

When I found you in my driveway

I wanted to run away,

But you didn’t give me a chance,

Circling around behind me.

 

I told you to leave

As I rummaged for my keys,

If I couldn’t get them in the door

I’d stick them in your eyes instead.

 

You grabbed my bag and threw it,

Your hand swiftly covering my mouth.

You didn’t expect me to bite you

And I made my escape next door.

 

The lovely couple who lived there

Called the police so I could breathe

But you were long gone before they arrived

Though they said they’d have a chat.

 

You weren’t best pleased with that

And decided to take your revenge.

You were far beyond sexual attraction now,

You were in a one-sided power struggle.

 

I didn’t see it coming

Though I probably should have known.

It’s a well-worn path, apparently,

But I was young and very naïve.

 

You broke into my house one day

While I was hard at work.

You hadn’t bothered getting another job,

Your fixation firmly on me.

 

I don’t know when you’d copied my key

But this had been a long while in the planning.

You hid all day in the garage,

Waiting for my return after work.

 

You heard me cooking dinner.

You listened as I showered before bed.

You watched as dropped my towel

About to slip into my nightie.

 

I didn’t get that chance, though,

As you rushed into my bedroom that night.

You pushed me face down into the bed,

Your hand pressed firmly on my neck.

 

My body frozen in fear,

Fight or flight not registering then,

I felt every inch of your body

Sweaty but disgustingly cold.

 

I remember every second,

Every noise, every smell.

I feel every touch, every violation

Every time someone else gets close.

 

I cried for a week afterwards,

I cried when I saw your old desk.

I cried when the police took my statement

And when I had to tell my parents.

 

I cried through the medical exam

And I cried in the taxi home.

I cried when I looked in the mirror

And saw the bruises that you left.

 

I cried when they arrested you,

I cried when I heard you’d been charged.

I cried in the prosecutor’s office

And I cried on the stand.

 

Your lawyer said I asked for it,

Laid the blame squarely at my feet,

Insinuated that the clothes I wore

Excused the actions that you took.

 

The jury saw through your act,

I know I’m lucky in that regard.

It could so easily have gone the other way

And I’d blame myself more than I do now.

 

I still have those thoughts, you know,

That if only I’d done something different,

That if I’d been nicer to you,

That we might have had a different conclusion.

 

But, really, this wasn’t on me

And I hate that I blame myself sometimes

For actions I did nothing to encourage

And actively tried to end.

 

You were the one who did this.

You were the one who took it too far.

You were the one who abused me.

You were the one who broke the law.

 

You thought that you were entitled,

To my body, my space and my time.

And you didn’t just attack me physically,

The scars run far deeper than that.

 

How will anyone want me

When they know what has happened to me?

How will they find me desirable

When I can’t even look in the mirror?

 

You’ve broken something inside me

And I don’t know that it will ever be fixed.

You stole what was only mine to give

And now I am empty inside.

Siblings

02/06/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I always wished for a sibling

But I knew it wasn’t to be.

I grew up pretending my friends

Were actually my family.

 

It was never the same, though,

When they went home at the end of the day,

And I was left alone, again,

No one with whom to play.

 

I didn’t want the same

For any child of mine

But it’s not been my lot in life

And, at one, I had to draw the line..

 

I know people who wish

They didn’t’ have a brother.

Because of all the grief they’ve had,

But maybe if they’d had another …

 

And there’s those who’ve had a sister

They wanted to never have had

Would perhaps change their mind

If their sibling hadn’t been as bad.

 

Being an only child can be lonely

But it’s not without its perks,

Whatever your type of family

You have to do what works.

Compressed Universe

01/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

Let’s take a wander

Through our magnificent and glorious past

As if all of time might be compressed

Into a single year of our lives.

 

Happy new year to the universe

It’s off to a tremendous start

A Big Bang and an expanding of everything

Begins us on a seemingly never-ending course.

 

Within just sixteen nanoseconds

Of our year having begun

We see the first stable nuclei form

From the matter that has been expelled.

 

By the 15-minute mark we find

The first neutral atoms have arrived

And the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation

Has been well and truly emitted.

 

A few days later the first stars appear,

Bright dots in an expanding cosmos

The light from which we may never see

Even with our most powerful telescopes.

 

By mid-January we can now confirm

The light of those distant stars

Will eventually reach our modern eyes

And be a source of marvel yet.

 

As the month draws to a close

The first Galaxy proto-clusters are observed

Like embryonic star groups

Finding their way in the dark.

 

Valentine’s Day whizzes past

With the largest scale structures forming then

We’re starting to look more recognizable

As the universe we will become.

 

March has rolled around by now

And we’re seeing mature galaxies form

Bright and iconic to our eyes,

Littering the depths of space.

 

Then in mid-April they start colliding

Pairs of spirals merging as one

And turning into great ellipticals

A galactic dance with no known steps.

 

We fly through May and onto June –

The first sun-like stars are dying –

Evolving into the planetary nebulae

That we all know and love.

 

The universe carries on like this

All through July and September

Creating and destroying

As it had all along.

 

On September 3^rd our sun appears

With its proto-planetary disc.

This will be our giver of life,

Where all life as we know it exists.

 

The Earth, it formed without satellites

Until it was impacted the very next day

By a large proto-planet

The debris coalescing to form our moon.

 

It was not until September 21^st

That the first life appeared on our planet –

Unicellular and, by our standards of today,

Completely unremarkable.

 

Life comes into its own

When sex appears on the scene

Though that wasn’t until December 2^nd,

Relatively, not that long ago.

 

Around December 17^th, we have the Cambrian Explosion

And life as we know it blooms.

Diversification is the rule right then

And it continues for a good, long while.

 

Extinctions come and extinctions go,

Until December 30, at 6:25am to be precise.

We lose the now beloved dinosaurs,

A meteorite strike thought to be to blame.

 

Mammals take over from that point

With the Homo Sapiens swaggering in

Just in time for New Year’s Eve,

A mere seven minutes left to spare.