Untitled Obsession

It does not matter how far you are
Or how much time has elapsed,
The mere mention of your name
Or the sight of your picture
Brings a smile to my face.

If I could wake every morning
To the twinkle in your eye
I think my heart might melt,
My mind might switch off
And my body might be at rest.

For now I sit and contemplate
A life that will never be
Yet which continues to engulf me
With a sense of overwhelming love
And a friendship that will never die.

I count the days until we meet
And mourn the ours after we part;
I rejoice in the time we spend together
For there is little in this world of ours
That can fill me with such joy.

One day I may muster up the courage
To tell you that which is obvious
And that which you must already know,
That which makes me sigh contentedly
And weep uncontrollably as well.

I miss our casual flirtations
That I hid true feelings behind,
Knowing that it could go no further
Than those fleeting moments
Of seemingly faked intimacy.

On more than one occasion
My toes felt the precipice -
A point of no return -
Once stepped over by either party
Would spell certain catastrophe.

How I wished to leap headlong
Over the edge and into your arms,
Where those gentle kisses meant more
Than a friendly hello or goodbye
And my heart would feel at home.

If I could put into words at all
How that embrace made me feel,
But satisfied hardly does it justice,
Nor safe and secure either,
It being something more than affection.

One day, when I am older and wiser,
I will know which way to jump.
For the foreseeable future I have only
This thin grasp on plausible deniability
Which can carry me through those years.

I don't want to push you away,
Though I feel I already have
As that once close and tender bond
Feels increasingly fragile and untenable
Wholly due to my desperate desire.

The time when I could have reached out
Has long since passed me by
Yet somewhere deep within me
A hope remains somewhat intact
That I may be able to extend my hand.

I have never known if you would take it,
Though often times I thought you might
As you sat by me long ago
And held me close to your heart
So I felt I would never fall.

If I had not been so a-feared,
So terrified of what might come to pass,
I may have shown more daring
To create a dream come true,
Not let it waste away to memory.

I have always said you were the one,
The only one in actual fact,
That I would circumvent morality
To have you wrap your arms around me
And whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

But today I am as happy
As this forlorn situation will allow.
The smile which adorns my face
Is genuine in every respect
And my heart is leaping for joy

Because I know it won't be very long
Until I can hold you in my arms,
Even if for the briefest of moments,
And bathe in the unwavering glow
Of your tolerance for my gushing.

The Hourglass

Tip the timer over
Let the sand run through
Watch as it trickles down
Into the once empty base

Use the time as best you can
Do not dilly-dally
Soon no grains will remain
And then where will you be?

When all the sand has fallen
And none remains above
The next generation will come
And turn it over again

But the same cannot be said
For the seconds of your life
As they trickle through your fingers
And flow over your thumbs

Colour the grains of sand
In all manner of vibrant hues
Make your world an artwork
Priceless in anyone's estimation

Carry your hourglass with you
Do not sit and watch it run
Merely touch it in your pocket
To remind yourself it's there

Senza ombra di Marte

How I wish I had your crutch
To lean upon when I am tired
Of all the world and people in it
But that's not how my brain is wired,

Though of late I have to wonder
If it is actually a comfort at all
When you sing out to the void at night
And there's no-one to return the call.

Do you cling without knowing why
Or is it a habit too hard to break?
Do you follow, word for word,
Or pick and choose for society's sake?

I struggle every day with this,
The overwhelming uncertainty,
Simply doing the best I can
To avoid the unfeeling monotony.

Yet, in the end, I'd rather not know
Than be cloistered by false belief.
My being craves discovery
But not cold comfort in my grief.

What could give a flower more beauty,
A lover more passion,
The night sky more majesty?
Not an other-worldly flight of fashion.

Could you not be good without it,
Not well mannered or honest enough?
Is that all which holds this world together
When the going gets rough?

As the bell tolls one last time
And the final curtain falls,
You won't hear me recanting
Or shrouded by iconic palls.

Do not bear the burden of supplication
When your heart can answer instead,
Nor imbue the air with divinity
Or as a sheep be lead.

Rejoice in the achievements of humanity
Who seek to soar amongst the stars
Not in death on feathered wings
But as pilgrims beyond the shadow of mars.

Roy, in eight parts

I

 

One dark and stormy night

I chanced upon your face;

It lighted the way for me

When I was all but blind.

 

What I did not realise then,

And could not fathom afterwards,

Was why you would deceive me

And the one you should be with.

 

I longed for what you had

But could never give to me.

You offered me an illusion

Which would never materialise.

 

II

 

You dismissed the ultimatum,

As I had known you would,

But you would not dismiss me

From an ever-breaking heart.

 

I'm sure you haven't realised

How my heart was ripped,

Still beating before me eyes,

From in my shredded chest.

 

Your lies should have protected me

(Warned me, in the very least)

But I could not help but fall

And was so very injured.

 

III

 

Had you left in then and there

I may have found it in my soul

To offer you some forgiveness

But you could not let me be.

 

Each time I thought myself free

From you tenticulous grip

you sucked me in again

And once more I was afraid.

 

Why did I let you control me?

Allow you back into my world?

Did I think you would change?

Or was that all I was worth?

 

I was not worth your deception.

You were not worth my time,

But no matter how many times,

You kept knocking on my door.

 

IV

 

I hope you can see the locks

That now adorn the door;

And how do you fancy the bars

That now mar every window?

 

Do they fill you with satisfaction?

Are they pleasing to your eyes?

Because they work very well

To keep all from venturing inside.

 

They protect me from the ones

Who would seek to hold my heart,

No matter their intentions

Because it seems you're all the same.

 

V

 

The men I created for you,

To keep your advances at bay,

Were more perfect than any man

Could ever hope to be.

 

There's nothing you could say to me

To make me change my mind.

Even your name reminds me

Of every scar you left behind.

 

My trust has been annihilated

And belief beyond resurrection;

No hope remains to guide me

And no man could measure up.

 

You have destroyed my ambition

To have more than what is now;

The family I might have envisioned

Is a pipe dream lost to time.

 

It will take a prince in shining armour

To defeat my inner demons,

Remnants of my captivity

In a cell created by you.

 

VI

 

If this is my lot in life

I can be happy with that

Because I will always have one thing

That you will never own.

 

So next time you look in the mirror

And wonder what went wrong,

Remember that it was all you -

Your actions and your choice.

 

You chose the path of deception,

Of dubious morals and character,

Of integrity less than desirable,

And you chose the wrong girl.

 

VII

 

I may have spent many years

Debating, over again, with myself

As to whether I was worth more

Than what you were prepared to give.

 

I may have doubted myself

More times than I care to remember

But now all doubt is gone,

Especially when it comes to you.

 

I don't doubt your intentions,

They will never change.

You will never want anything more

Than ships passing casually in the night.

 

I don't doubt my ability

To resist your wit and charm

Because it is as shallow

As your children's paddling pool.

 

I don't doubt the outcome

Should you approach me one more time;

not only would you be rejected

But your world would tumble down.

 

VIII

 

You may not think I know,

But I have many resources at my command

And have gained enough to ruin you

From the scraps you discarded here.

 

A name and an industry sufficed

To glean all I could want to know -

You business is now my business

And don't think I won't use it.

 

So let this be the very last

Communication I ever have with you

For the sake of your reputation,

Your marriage and your world.