The Night Shift

24/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



I hate it when you work the night shift.

The bed feels empty without you.

I don’t sleep properly not having you near

Though I slept for years on my own.



The kids have had their dinner

And I wonder if you’ll eat at all tonight

Because 6pm might be meal time here

But it’s the beginning of work for you.



I sometimes wish it would rain

So the crims would stay at home.

They’re no different from the rest of us,

They don’t want to be out in a storm.



Life here is dictated by routine,

By 9pm the babies are tucked up in bed,

But I don’t know where you are

Or what you’re having to face.



While I’m cleaning up the house

You’re cleaning vomit out of your car

From the drunk you’ve had to haul in

For picking a fight with a guy twice his size.



It’s just gone midnight but I can’t close my eyes.

You’re only half way through your shift

And I should be sound asleep

But there’s a feeling in my gut that won’t let me.



I will worry about you ‘til you return

And I can hold you safe in my arms.

My dreams are haunted when you’re away

Then I wake feeling like I haven’t slept.



I look at the clock and it’s not quite 3am.

Here, it is quiet and quiet can be

But I know you’re in the thick of it

And I wish you weren’t.



They say it gets easier to handle

But I can’t see how that is.

You are my world, my everything,

And I’d die without you here.



The 6am alarm is going off

But I’m already awake.

I think about hitting snooze

But I’m not sure there’s any point.



The sun is starting to rise now.

I know you’ll be home soon

But this is the time I fear most

Because last call outs are the worst.



But I know you’re in the right place

And you’ll come back to me each time.

I’ll get some restful sleep one day,

I just don’t know when that will be.

White Noise

30/10/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



I long for white noise in the dead of night

When I yearn to sleep without the light

And crave dreams with all my might

Yet every time it is a fight.



I long for white noise to wash over me

For the creaks and crashes to let me be,

To sleep knowing that I am free

From the jarring sounds of things I can’t see.



I long for white noise to block out the sound

That causes my tired head to pound

But the clamour just goes round and round

And not rest can ever be found.

Sleepless Nights

18/09/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



I’m so tired of it all.

The tears are welling in my eyes.

I cannot fathom a smile

Nor force a laugh

As I sit

All alone –

Not lonely;

Not unloved;

Just unwanted.



I am left upon the shelf,

An old maid made more redundant,

Gathering dust on my soul,

A wall around my heart,

My mind no longer a-buzz

But the softly clunking whir

Of a dying clock

Giving up its last tock.



I have no energy left

To make sense of this life,

Such that it is,

With hope slipping

Tediously away from me

Into a well I cannot reach

And whose bottom I cannot see

To be drowned in a soup

Of my emotional frailty

When perhaps, maybe, possibly

It is me that is drowning,

Dragged under by interminable currents

That wrap around me

In cold comfort

Like the hands of long forgotten ghosts

There, but not there,

Until I cannot go on,

My strength deserting me

In my hour of need

And I hear that pale horse riding by

The shoes and hooves

Clipping merrily as it goes on its way

Calling the forgotten

And the abandoned

And the forlorn

Like superfluous prizes

From a game no one desired to play.



I am so tired of it all

Yet I cannot sleep –

My eyes refuse to close against the darkness

And my thoughts refuse to quiet

As I search for that which I have lost

Or never had

And find myself wanting,

In so many ways

And by so many means,

Though I cannot hold onto that train

For more than a moment

As it vanishes into the night

And I crash in its wake

Upon the broken tracks of a life

I cannot control

Or fix

Or even walk.



I do not understand,

And the tears fall

Relentless reminders

Cascading upon the rocks

Like dreams I used to have,

Shattered before me

Into a thousand shards

That cut me and pain me

And torture me

Though no one sees

The blood that seeps

From every self-inflicted wound

And poisons the ground

Upon which I walk,

Nor do they hear my screams

Hurled into the void

And piercing my ears

Deafening me to all else

Except the pitiful whimpers

That accompany them.



I’m so tired of it all

But if I sleep

I may never wake

And that,

Somehow,

Might be worse.