In battle

Here I sit in quiet contemplation

Regretting all I didn’t say to you

Knowing I couldn’t say it, still

Wanting to be more brave,

Or perhaps more stupid, than before

Because I’ve wanted to tell you

So many times up til this point.

Maybe you know but can’t say

For the same reasons that I can’t

And all that’s keeping us from each other

Is a thirty year old pledge

As worthless as the paper it’s written on.

I didn’t have the courage fifteen years ago,

When we sat together for what felt like forever,

And you confessed to me that it was simply

A vow you had made and couldn’t break.

I was afraid of what you were telling me

And relieved that you didn’t ask it of me

But now my feelings are conflicted

And I don’t know if I want to give in

Or be stronger than I ever thought possible.

I wish I could have relied on Dutch courage,

And been open and honest with you,

Because I’d carry any baggage you had,

I’d take the weight of the world on my shoulders

And receive the guilt that was laid at my door.

2016 Weekly Writing Experience: February 8th to 14th

Write a 5 line poem about the morning after

The furthest point I will ever be
From that dreaded day again;
Nothing like a whole new year
To wash away the loneliness
Of a forlorn Valentine's Day.

2016 Weekly Writing Experience: February 1st - February 7th

Write a poem about a beginning, a middle and an end

The Beginning

In the beginning there was nothing.

Nothing to behold or touch or feel.

There was a not knowing of what,

Or who, or even why.

In the beginning there was no sensation

Of what was to come so soon

(so much sooner than expected)

And yet the waiting was agony.

In the beginning there was fear of the unknown

And a nervousness which filled me with butterflies –

So many that my stomach turned in knots

To try to expel them from their cell.

In the beginning there was hope,

A soft, reserved hope that dared not speak

But only dream a magnificent, multi-coloured dream

Of wide-eyed wonder and cosmic expression.

In the beginning, it was the beginning,

Where all things must begin,

When time begins afresh, anew, anon

And the other beginnings are gone.

The Middle

The butterflies were turfed out

By something of more substance –

Perhaps a tiny boxing kangaroo

Warming up for the prize fight.

I caught my breath more than once

For reasons too many to list,

Most often just through a wandering mind

Imagining all the possibilities.

I am woman, hear me roar?

I haven’t earned my tiger stripes.

Though I feel completely transformed,

I have barely changed at all.

I wake almost every night,

Sheets soaked through with sweat,

With images haunting my mind

From behind eyelids closed so tight.

I feel so very alive,

As if I could live forever.

I want to live forever,

To keep this feeling forever.

The End

I may have earned those tiger stripes

But I cannot manage a whimper.

Maybe I should have fought harder

For my little joey once fighting strong.

I would have given anything for 21 years,

But 21 weeks was all I knew,

Along with these few brief moments

Face to tear-stained face.

All we ever wished for,

You delivered in almost every way –

Ten little fingers, ten little toes;

Two bright eyes, one button nose.

Those breaths I so struggled for –

I would gladly give up every one

To allow you all that was promised

But never followed through.

My heart could fill the room I’m in

And you have filled my heart.

I will treasure you every day

Because time begins afresh, anew, anon.

Denouement

I cannot think of red roses

Or boxes of chocolates right now;

There's no romantic dinners

Or strolls by the beach after dark.

It hurts too much to be hopeful

When it's unrealistic and unwise.

My heart will not take the rejection

Nor the knowing without having to ask.

I must sleep alone in this bed

As I have always done.

There can be no other option

And I cannot wish for more.

If I believed in God I would pray

But that seems a futile exercise

When the air cannot hear my pleas

Nor respond with anything by sighs.

I so desperately want to fill

The void in my soul right now,

But hopes and dreams melt away

Until I am cold and alone once more.

In my darkest hour

In my darkest hour

     You shone a light

     A beacon bright

     In the deep, dark night

You returned the smile to my voice

With barely a word from your lips,

You dried my tired, aching eyes

From across the breadth of the city,

You eased my mournful heartache

Simply by thinking of me,

You calmed my racing thoughts

And I cannot even tell you.

In my darkest hour

     You were always there

     A love beyond compare

     Showing that you care

You comforted me

Without need to play the fool,

You embraced me

From the other end of the phone,

You soothed me

Simply by speaking to me,

You reassured me

And I cannot return the favour.

In my darkest hour

     You healed me

     A gift from thee

     Expecting no fee

Inconceivable

Inconceivable

That I may aspire

To such lofty heights

In heart and mind

As those ill-fated lovers,

Romeo and Juliet.

Intolerable

That I should abandon

Any dream-filled notion

Of finding my prince,

Charming or otherwise,

From within these walls.

Inconsequential

That I should be left

Alone and wandering

Through fields of jealousy

For a prize not mine to win

No matter my desire.

What sight for sore eyes

What sight for sore eyes

Stands before me now;

What grand majesty

Before which I must bow?

Do I dare to look,

Captured by a glance;

Incomplete without you,

Your magnificent countenance?

The sound of my heart

Echoes in my ears;

Its beat ever raging,

Racing faster than my fears.

Your smile reassures me,

Your touch calms my nerves.

I am yours, only yours;

It is you my soul serves.