Following Orders

09/11/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



I didn’t know it would be like this.



When I signed up, I was so young,

Idealistic and full of hope,

Probably with a good dose of naivety

Thrown in for good measure.



It was employment that paid well,

Gave me structure and discipline,

At a time in my life that was uncertain

And I needed a steadying influence.



I didn’t know how easy it would be.



I was swayed by the camaraderie

That was lacking elsewhere in my life;

I had no real friends that I could count on

Nor family to have my back.



That’s how they get you, though,

By providing that which you’re missing

And making you so dependent

That you don’t think you can live without them.



I didn’t know how quickly it would happen.



There’s little things you see at first

That you ignore because it’s not worth it –

Not worth the effort of making a fuss

Because these people are not just colleagues.



You ignore the things they do and say

And each time you do it gets worse

Because they know you won’t say anything,

Because you didn’t the last time.



They keep pushing the boundaries,

Seeing how much you’ll let them get away with

And you don’t want to believe they’re capable

Of the things you know they’ve done.



I didn’t know I could be duped like that.



Before you know it, you’re in just as deep

As everyone else around you

Feeling obliged to keep following orders

Even if they go against your moral character.



You do things that you never thought you would

Because there is no questioning authority,

If you are told to do something, you do it,

Regardless of the consequences.



I didn’t know I could be so heartless.



When all is said and done,

I have no one to blame but myself

Because I compromised my values

For a comfortable life and some prestige.



But there’s no prestige in being the bad guy

And it’s cold comfort we built the roads

When those roads are built on the lies

And we were paid at the expense of others lives.



I didn’t know I could be so compromised.



The day has come when I must face my actions

And I must bear all responsibility.

Following orders is no excuse

When I had a choice at every step.



I chose to not question my superiors,

I chose to ignore what my eyes could see.

I must answer for what I chose for myself

When it broke so many of my countrymen.



I didn’t know I could abandon my humanity.



There are no amount of apologies I can make

That will bring back those that are lost

Or turn back the clock

To undo all the wrongs in my past.



I will be held accountable

And not hide behind my position

Because I need to prove to myself that

I am better than my action show me to be.



I didn’t know it would be this hard, though.