A Letter to My Soon-To-Be Ex

22/01/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Dear John,



By the time you read this

I will have packed all my things

Into some boxes and suitcases,

And will be far, far away.



Normally, I think people should break up

Face to face – in person –

And not take the cowardly way out

Like I appear to have done.



In the instance, I’m all for it

And this is not hypocritical

Because you’ve made it impossible

For me to get out any other way.



When we met, I felt like a princess

Because you showered me with love

And while some people felt it was rushed

It just made me feel special.



You seemed a little insecure

Like a puppy that needs some love

And I wanted to build you up

So you saw the good in you.



But I couldn’t seem to do anything right,

Just small things that got under your skin,

The way I stacked the dishwasher

Or how I folded the laundry.



You were jealous of my ex’s

Even though I don’t see them any more

And if I was still interested in them

I’d have still been with them.



You wanted me to spend all my time with you

While also keeping the house running

To such a tight schedule

That I was exhausted by your demands.



I began to feel edgy and uncomfortable

Every time you came home from work

Wondering whether you’d want my time

Or let me get done with what I had to do.



If I said anything to you about it

You’d take it as a personal attack

Every small problem we had

Was blown out of proportion.



You said my friends were against you

And poisoning my mind

So you’d come up with any excuse

For me to not spend time with them



You couldn’t tell me exactly

What any of the problems actually were,

Just vague accusations,

Your feelings so unclear.



I wondered if it was all in my head,

Maybe I was the crazy one,

Surely you couldn’t be so incredibly sweet

And so completely controlling.



You started drinking when you got home,

You said it was your way to relax,

But it just made me more nervous

Because it disinhibited you.



Your friends couldn’t see it

They just saw a charming guy

Who appeared to love his girlfriend

And was generous to a fault.



But I would walk on eggshells

Absolutely aware of my every action

Making sure that things were perfect

So you’d be in the best possible mood.



You had all the bills put in your name

Giving me a measly allowance

So I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere

Without asking for your approval.



You demanded not only my time

But access to my body

Giving me no ownership of the experience

Of when or where or what.



I was afraid of what you would say

And the things you would do

While feeling like I had nowhere to go

And no one I could trust to help me.



You’d raise your voice at me

If I dared to disagree

Thinking that being louder made you right

Even when you were in the wrong.



You’d call me sweetheart when we were out

And a bitch when we were home,

The other names you called me –

I can’t even bring myself to write.



Sometimes I felt like I deserved it,

Like I must be a pretty bad girlfriend,

And that I needed to learn these lessons

But I wasn’t sure about your methods.



But it dawned on me that your threats

Said more about you than they did me,

And your intimidation was unhealthy

And I had to get out of your grasp.



I’ve tried to leave before

But you couldn’t see how you were,

Blaming me for your actions

And denying any fault on your side.



So now I am emotionally broken –

Numb, helpless and depressed –

But I am away from you

And you can’t drag me back in.



What little money I squirrelled away

I used to pay for a motel room

So I could clear my head of your toxic thoughts

And replace them with something better.



But it was also a place to hide

Where you couldn’t find me

To berate me or humiliate me,

And I could finally breathe.