When you were little
I wished you’d never age
You’d stay my precious little princess
Forever and a day
But I never meant for it to happen
Especially not like this
The last time I saw you
Your smile flashed across the park
Your pigtails swishing as you ran
My mind occupied with other things
And you climbed the hill
Ready to slip down the slide
It took me a few minutes
To realise you hadn’t come down
I looked around for you
All to no avail
And the search became more frantic
As the minutes themselves slid by
My heart was beating through my chest
Hands shaking uncontrollably
Air struggling to fill my lungs
As I screamed your name
And fellow parents joined the search
But coming up empty
The police were called
They arrived sirens blaring
To take over the haphazard search
And co-ordinate the organisation
Of checkpoints and interviews
As I broke into a million pieces
As every hour passed, I cried
Tears staining my face
Salt stinging my eyes
The heartache and fear within me
Tearing me apart
From the inside out
Divers scoured the bay
From the mangroves at the shore
To the depths of the ferry channel
Extending the search
Yet still finding no sign of you
Or any clue of where you’d gone
Your face was plastered across the TV
Every network running the story
Of a little girl lost,
Missing, taken
Somewhere out in the world
Away from her grieving mother
My life was turned upside down
As hours turned into days
And days turned into weeks
And still no sign of you
As if you’d disappeared into thin air
Like the angel that you are
Strangers blamed me
Their anonymous notes
Shoved viciously into the letterbox
Asking me how I could hurt you
And that I should burn in hell
For something I could never do
The posters with your picture
Stay on every telegraph pole
Replaced within a day
Should they fall or be blown away
Or torn down by unfeeling monsters
Who will never understand
Somewhere you are out there
And I hope you remember me
But as the years drag by
I feel I might be just a dream you have
That haunts you as you sleep
And you don’t know why
I try to imagine what you look like
As the birthdays come and go
And now that you’d be an adult
The fear that I wouldn’t know you
If I passed you in the street
Fills my heart with dread
What music are you into?
Do you still love to read?
There are so many things I want to know
But will never get the chance
Because someone stole you from me
And I fear I’ll never get you back
So, while you’re turning twenty today
I can’t see you that way
My precious little princess
All grown without me there
A life lived that I’ll never know
Because to me you’re always five.
This one got me 😭😭
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