Watching Over You

12/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



As I stand here

Watching over you

Watching you sleep

The rise and fall of your tiny chest

I wonder what the future holds

For you

For me

For the both of us together

The fun and games as a family

The outings to the beach

Or boating on the river

Creating memories that last a lifetime

In moments that are gone too soon

But I’m also filled with a fear

That I’m not good enough

That I might fail you

And I don’t know how to deal

With the overwhelming dread

That leads me to contemplate

Whether I should be here

Standing over you

Whether it wouldn’t be better

If it were someone else

Watching over you

Always Five

05/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



When you were little

I wished you’d never age

You’d stay my precious little princess

Forever and a day

But I never meant for it to happen

Especially not like this



The last time I saw you

Your smile flashed across the park

Your pigtails swishing as you ran

My mind occupied with other things

And you climbed the hill

Ready to slip down the slide



It took me a few minutes

To realise you hadn’t come down

I looked around for you

All to no avail

And the search became more frantic

As the minutes themselves slid by



My heart was beating through my chest

Hands shaking uncontrollably

Air struggling to fill my lungs

As I screamed your name

And fellow parents joined the search

But coming up empty



The police were called

They arrived sirens blaring

To take over the haphazard search

And co-ordinate the organisation

Of checkpoints and interviews

As I broke into a million pieces



As every hour passed, I cried

Tears staining my face

Salt stinging my eyes

The heartache and fear within me

Tearing me apart

From the inside out



Divers scoured the bay

From the mangroves at the shore

To the depths of the ferry channel

Extending the search

Yet still finding no sign of you

Or any clue of where you’d gone



Your face was plastered across the TV

Every network running the story

Of a little girl lost,

Missing, taken

Somewhere out in the world

Away from her grieving mother



My life was turned upside down

As hours turned into days

And days turned into weeks

And still no sign of you

As if you’d disappeared into thin air

Like the angel that you are

 

Strangers blamed me

Their anonymous notes

Shoved viciously into the letterbox

Asking me how I could hurt you

And that I should burn in hell

For something I could never do



The posters with your picture

Stay on every telegraph pole

Replaced within a day

Should they fall or be blown away

Or torn down by unfeeling monsters

Who will never understand



Somewhere you are out there

And I hope you remember me

But as the years drag by

I feel I might be just a dream you have

That haunts you as you sleep

And you don’t know why



I try to imagine what you look like

As the birthdays come and go

And now that you’d be an adult

The fear that I wouldn’t know you

If I passed you in the street

Fills my heart with dread



What music are you into?

Do you still love to read?

There are so many things I want to know

But will never get the chance

Because someone stole you from me

And I fear I’ll never get you back



So, while you’re turning twenty today

I can’t see you that way

My precious little princess

All grown without me there

A life lived that I’ll never know

Because to me you’re always five.

In Five Years

26/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



In five years, you’ll be 21

In your own place, maybe

Have a partner

Possibly have a degree

Or at least a qualification

And be out in the world.



I wonder what sort of job you’ll have,

Whether it’s a train driver

Like you imagined when you were little,

Or a meteorologist or historian

Like you want to be now

Or something completely different.



It doesn’t really matter what you do

Or who you love

As long as you’re happy

And know that whatever choices you make

I will always be there for you

In five years or in 50 years time.

In the future

19/02/2021 –  Poem a Day Compilation



For Joshua Garrett and his mother, Katt



In the future I will be brave

But right now, I want to scream 

I long to hold you in my arms

And hear your plaintiff cries



In the future I will remember you

When others just want to forget

Because thinking of you is hard

But forgetting would be worse



In the future I want to hear your name

Said with all the love in the world

Because you were here and I love you

Though you were barely two months old



In the future I want to reminisce

About the time we had with you

But people won’t even mention you

For fear of how they’ll feel



In the future I will still grieve

But I want there to be happy tears

When I think of that precious time we had

And not how you’re no longer here



In the future I want to celebrate you

And what you meant to me

Not hide your memory away inside

Like a secret of which to be ashamed



In the future I will say your name

For everyone to hear

For you are a part of me

To which I will never say goodbye

Why can’t girls …

18/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



        Darling daughter, you look sad

        What’s on your mind, my sweet?

        You seem a little upset, my dear,

        Is there something I can fix?



My friends at school were talking

About what their daddies do

And when I said I wanted to be like them

They said they were only jobs for dads.



        What type of jobs did they mention?

        I’m sure I’ve never seen a job

        That only men are qualified for,

        Let’s see this list of yours!



Why can’t girls play football?

I can run

And kick

And tackle.



        You can do all those things

        And you could be the next Sam Kerr

        Or maybe Daisy Pearce

        If you really wanted to.



Why can’t girls be software developers?

I can code

And am creative

And have an eye for detail.



        There are many women in software

        Just ask Jaime Gunther or Jane Chau

        And they’ll give you a long, long list

        If that’s what you want to do.



Why can’t girls be farmers?

I can sheet a sheep

And milk a cow

And plough a field.



        A lot has changed in this century

        And many women run farms

        I’m sure Lorraine Gordon

        Could shed a little light.



Why can’t girls work construction?

I can drive heavy machinery

And use power tools

And push a wheelbarrow.



        There’s no part of that you shouldn’t do

        If that’s your chosen profession

        If you want a female tradie

        Then Penny Petridis is the person to ask,



Why can’t girls be engineers?

I can design technological solutions

And test production lines

And analyse risks.



        You could be a chemical engineer like Marlene Kanga

        Or do infrastructure like Elizabeth Taylor

        Maybe defence engineering like Trish White

        Or take on the civil side like Mehreen Faruqi



Why can’t girls be astronauts?

I can study the planets

And work in microgravity

And be away from my family.



        Christina Koch and Jessica Meir

        Have done a lap or two

        Around this planet we call home

        And maybe you will, too



Why can’t girls be architects?

I can design skyscrapers

And be a visionary

And plan every step.



        Have you heard of Momoyo Kaijima?

        Well, you should probably look her up,

        I’m sure he was headstrong just like you

        When she was a little girl.



Why can’t girls be firefighters?

I can hold a hose

And carry more than my weight

And risk my life.



        We’ve got captains and assistant commissioners

        Who are in the fire service

        Like Louise Livermore and Rebel Talbert

        Not to mention all-female crews!



Why can’t girls be pilots?

I can understand meteorological information

And be calm under pressure

And remember what all the buttons do.



        Deborah Wardley was told she couldn’t

        But she proved them very wrong,

        And Nancy Bird Walton

        Is getting an airport named after her. 



Why can’t girls be judges?

I can study hard

And be impartial

And uphold the law.



        I hardly think Virginia Bell

        Let a man tell her she couldn’t be a judge

        Or he’d have been appearing before her

        In a supreme case of misogyny



Why can’t girls be CEOs?

I can run a business

And handle problems

And manage money.



        Melanie Perins didn’t let being a girl

        Stop her in her tracks

        When she started up her business

        That’s now massive in tech.



So, I can be anything

Just like all those other girls?

Do you really think it’s possible

For me to be like them?



        Not only is it possible,

        It’s practically a guarantee

        And don’t let anyone tell you

        You can’t because you’re a girl.

In Hindsight

18/01/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Looking back

I can see

That you

Were a mistake

That I can never

Undo.



Looking back

I know

I wouldn’t change

A single thing

Because you

Gave me him.

Five Trees

20/12/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



When you were born, I planted an oak

That it may grow with you

And that it may remind you of the wisdom

And strength of character you possess



As you turned into a young man

I planted a maple as a promise to you

That your life would be full of generosity

And a sense of balance would prevail



When you married, I seeded a magnolia

To reflect the honour of your bond

And strengthen the fidelity between you

That your love should grow together



As you made your way in the world

I nurtured a cedar as I had nurtured you

The protection I offered to the tree

A reflection of that which I gave to you



Now that I am not long for this world

I plant for you this study pine

That it may forever reach for the stars

And remind you of the eternal love we share

Embarrassing: What parents want to say to their teenagers but can't

02/12/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



Oh, my god, mum

You’re so embarrassing.

How are we even related?

Can you just … not?



        All I did was turn up.

        You’d think the world ended

        Because you happen to be seen

        In public, with your mother!



What are you wearing?

You look like a grandma.

Why can’t you wear something

A little more fashionable?



        Of course, you know, don’t you,

        That if I turned up in anything

        That was even remotely fashionable

        You’d think I was trying too hard.



Do you have to talk so loudly?

Everyone can hear you

And then they look!

I don’t want them thinking it’s me.



        I don’t know if you've noticed 

        But when you get with your girlfriends

        You could fly a jet overhead

        And no one would be able to hear it.



I don’t want a hug and a kiss,

I’m not a little kid anymore.

No one else’s parents do that

It’s just weird and awkward.



        You’re such a long time an adult

        And you’ll have to forgive me

        But I wish you weren’t in such a rush

        To grow up and enjoyed childhood.



Don’t talk to my friends.

They don’t care what music you’re into

Or whether you watched a movie

Or where you went last weekend.



        I have amazing taste in music

        You’d be very surprised

        By what your friends listen to,

        Especially Janie, she likes metal.



Why can’t you look like Johnny’s mum?

She looks amazing.

I bet she doesn’t eat ice cream and chocolate

All the time like you do.



        No, she probably doesn’t

        But I don’t drink like a fish

        Like she does, either,

        And I rather be overweight, to be fair.



You’re too old to be dating.

Jessica’s mum is on her own

And she doesn’t run around

Like she’s trying to be a teenager.



        Jessica’s mum has just gotten a divorce

        From an abusive husband

        Whereas I have been on my own

        Most of your very short life.



You never let me do anything fun,

Like that concert I went to

And you made me come straight home

When everyone else was going out after.



        Friday night in the middle of the city

        Is no place for a fourteen year old

        And I will always do what is needed

        To keep you as safe as I can.



Why don’t you listen to me?

You’re so embarrassing

I just want you to be normal

Like everyone else’s mum.



        If I told you half the things, my sweet,

        About the other mums you know

        You would be horrified

        But we’re all just doing the best we can.

We Never Stop

20/10/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



We never stop worrying about our kids.

No matter how old they get

Or what they’re doing

Or where they are in the world,

We can’t help ourselves.



We never stop thinking about them,

If they’re doing alright,

Whether they’ve had enough to eat,

Gotten enough sleep,

And are hanging out with good people.



We never stop loving them for a moment,

Even when they royally screw something up

Or break our favourite cup,

Stay out too late without calling

Or take the last piece of pizza.



We never stop wanting the best for them

And we work our butts off to give it to them

Whether they appreciate it or not,

Though we hope they do

Because it means we’ve raised them right.



We never stop being a parent

Because once you’re a parent

You don’t know how to stop being a parent

And your parents still don’t know how to stop

So maybe cut them some slack, ok?

Heartbeat

13/10/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



Do you hear that sound?

The tiny glumph, glumph –

That too fast beat –

Which signals new life

Awaiting its day in the sun.



Do you see that flutter?

The smallest butterfly wings

Could not be as delicate

Nor as beautifully perfect

As that on the screen before us.



Do you feel that rush?

The infinitesimally tender

Yet most powerful wave

You could ever experience

In your whole life.



Do you know that realisation?

The grain of sand

That will become a pearl –

Our pearl –

Encased in our hearts forever.

Lustre

15/08/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



I thought that life had lost its lustre

That it was only full of greys

I felt the storm clouds overhead

And wept outside while it rained



I’d held your hand in waiting rooms

Driven you home with tears in my eyes

I’d mourned you every time you slept

And rejoiced in every waking hour



I scheduled appointments all over the city

Tried to find that one thing that worked

Even if it wasn’t a cure

Maybe it would buy us more time



Then one day you stood by the door

And smiled so completely serenely

You didn’t want to go see the doctor

Not this one or anyone else



The sun streamed in through the window

Giving you an angelic glow

And all I could do was surrender

Even though it meant letting go



We walked to the park instead

And sat by the pond on a bench

Other children fed ducks by the waters edge

And you rested your head on my chest



You drifted off into dreamland

Where you’d run and play as you should

And I knew that I would never wake you

Or hold you again as I did



I carried you back to your bed

A soft afternoon glow filled the room

Outside the birds were a-twittering

And my heart swelled with love for you



I called the ambulance quietly

My voice trembling as I spoke

And though you wouldn’t have heard me

I didn’t want you to know



I held your hand all the way

Because you were my little girl

My love, my world and my everything

And I couldn’t leave you all alone



Then the nurse said that it was time

But who would hold my hand

Now you were finally resting

And I was on my own?

Becoming a Parent

09/05/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

No one really tells you what it’s like.

You hear the horror stories, of course.

And you hear about how you’ll never be the same

But you don’t know until it happens.

 

No one tells you how much of yourself

You lock in a box, away from harm,

Because there’s a little creature here

Who needs you more than anything.

 

No one tells you just how much you gain,

Feeling like your heart will burst,

And that, no matter how old they are,

You still have infinite love to give.

 

No one tells you how scared you’ll be.

Not just for this small human

But for yourself and your partner,

Through every trial and tribulation.

 

No one tells you about the doubt

And the second guessing you’ll do,

Because there’s no manual to follow

And no instruction leaflet.

 

No one tells you about the tears at 3am

When they have their first fever

And you don’t know who to call

Because your brain is fried.

 

No one tells you about the absolute pride

When they say their first words,

When they take their first steps,

Or when they buy their first car.

 

No one tells you that it’s ok to have a c-section

Or to adopt or use a surrogate,

And that it’s ok to feed them formula

Or let them cry themselves to sleep.

 

No one tells you about the piles of laundry

That never seem to end,

Even when they’re teenagers

And can probably wash their own clothes.

 

No one tells you about the mistakes you’ll make

Because we’re all only human

And no one is ever going to be perfect,

Not even that wee little bairn.

 

No one tells you about the good times –

The times you’ll get it fantastically right –

When you’ll jump for joy all day

And want to shout it from the rooftops.

 

No one tells you in a way you’ll understand:

You’ll hear the words they’ll say

But they won’t really sink in

Until you’ve lived every moment.

 

No one tells you because they can’t.