Watching Over You

12/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



As I stand here

Watching over you

Watching you sleep

The rise and fall of your tiny chest

I wonder what the future holds

For you

For me

For the both of us together

The fun and games as a family

The outings to the beach

Or boating on the river

Creating memories that last a lifetime

In moments that are gone too soon

But I’m also filled with a fear

That I’m not good enough

That I might fail you

And I don’t know how to deal

With the overwhelming dread

That leads me to contemplate

Whether I should be here

Standing over you

Whether it wouldn’t be better

If it were someone else

Watching over you

Always Five

05/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



When you were little

I wished you’d never age

You’d stay my precious little princess

Forever and a day

But I never meant for it to happen

Especially not like this



The last time I saw you

Your smile flashed across the park

Your pigtails swishing as you ran

My mind occupied with other things

And you climbed the hill

Ready to slip down the slide



It took me a few minutes

To realise you hadn’t come down

I looked around for you

All to no avail

And the search became more frantic

As the minutes themselves slid by



My heart was beating through my chest

Hands shaking uncontrollably

Air struggling to fill my lungs

As I screamed your name

And fellow parents joined the search

But coming up empty



The police were called

They arrived sirens blaring

To take over the haphazard search

And co-ordinate the organisation

Of checkpoints and interviews

As I broke into a million pieces



As every hour passed, I cried

Tears staining my face

Salt stinging my eyes

The heartache and fear within me

Tearing me apart

From the inside out



Divers scoured the bay

From the mangroves at the shore

To the depths of the ferry channel

Extending the search

Yet still finding no sign of you

Or any clue of where you’d gone



Your face was plastered across the TV

Every network running the story

Of a little girl lost,

Missing, taken

Somewhere out in the world

Away from her grieving mother



My life was turned upside down

As hours turned into days

And days turned into weeks

And still no sign of you

As if you’d disappeared into thin air

Like the angel that you are

 

Strangers blamed me

Their anonymous notes

Shoved viciously into the letterbox

Asking me how I could hurt you

And that I should burn in hell

For something I could never do



The posters with your picture

Stay on every telegraph pole

Replaced within a day

Should they fall or be blown away

Or torn down by unfeeling monsters

Who will never understand



Somewhere you are out there

And I hope you remember me

But as the years drag by

I feel I might be just a dream you have

That haunts you as you sleep

And you don’t know why



I try to imagine what you look like

As the birthdays come and go

And now that you’d be an adult

The fear that I wouldn’t know you

If I passed you in the street

Fills my heart with dread



What music are you into?

Do you still love to read?

There are so many things I want to know

But will never get the chance

Because someone stole you from me

And I fear I’ll never get you back



So, while you’re turning twenty today

I can’t see you that way

My precious little princess

All grown without me there

A life lived that I’ll never know

Because to me you’re always five.

In the future

19/02/2021 –  Poem a Day Compilation



For Joshua Garrett and his mother, Katt



In the future I will be brave

But right now, I want to scream 

I long to hold you in my arms

And hear your plaintiff cries



In the future I will remember you

When others just want to forget

Because thinking of you is hard

But forgetting would be worse



In the future I want to hear your name

Said with all the love in the world

Because you were here and I love you

Though you were barely two months old



In the future I want to reminisce

About the time we had with you

But people won’t even mention you

For fear of how they’ll feel



In the future I will still grieve

But I want there to be happy tears

When I think of that precious time we had

And not how you’re no longer here



In the future I want to celebrate you

And what you meant to me

Not hide your memory away inside

Like a secret of which to be ashamed



In the future I will say your name

For everyone to hear

For you are a part of me

To which I will never say goodbye

Why can’t girls …

18/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



        Darling daughter, you look sad

        What’s on your mind, my sweet?

        You seem a little upset, my dear,

        Is there something I can fix?



My friends at school were talking

About what their daddies do

And when I said I wanted to be like them

They said they were only jobs for dads.



        What type of jobs did they mention?

        I’m sure I’ve never seen a job

        That only men are qualified for,

        Let’s see this list of yours!



Why can’t girls play football?

I can run

And kick

And tackle.



        You can do all those things

        And you could be the next Sam Kerr

        Or maybe Daisy Pearce

        If you really wanted to.



Why can’t girls be software developers?

I can code

And am creative

And have an eye for detail.



        There are many women in software

        Just ask Jaime Gunther or Jane Chau

        And they’ll give you a long, long list

        If that’s what you want to do.



Why can’t girls be farmers?

I can sheet a sheep

And milk a cow

And plough a field.



        A lot has changed in this century

        And many women run farms

        I’m sure Lorraine Gordon

        Could shed a little light.



Why can’t girls work construction?

I can drive heavy machinery

And use power tools

And push a wheelbarrow.



        There’s no part of that you shouldn’t do

        If that’s your chosen profession

        If you want a female tradie

        Then Penny Petridis is the person to ask,



Why can’t girls be engineers?

I can design technological solutions

And test production lines

And analyse risks.



        You could be a chemical engineer like Marlene Kanga

        Or do infrastructure like Elizabeth Taylor

        Maybe defence engineering like Trish White

        Or take on the civil side like Mehreen Faruqi



Why can’t girls be astronauts?

I can study the planets

And work in microgravity

And be away from my family.



        Christina Koch and Jessica Meir

        Have done a lap or two

        Around this planet we call home

        And maybe you will, too



Why can’t girls be architects?

I can design skyscrapers

And be a visionary

And plan every step.



        Have you heard of Momoyo Kaijima?

        Well, you should probably look her up,

        I’m sure he was headstrong just like you

        When she was a little girl.



Why can’t girls be firefighters?

I can hold a hose

And carry more than my weight

And risk my life.



        We’ve got captains and assistant commissioners

        Who are in the fire service

        Like Louise Livermore and Rebel Talbert

        Not to mention all-female crews!



Why can’t girls be pilots?

I can understand meteorological information

And be calm under pressure

And remember what all the buttons do.



        Deborah Wardley was told she couldn’t

        But she proved them very wrong,

        And Nancy Bird Walton

        Is getting an airport named after her. 



Why can’t girls be judges?

I can study hard

And be impartial

And uphold the law.



        I hardly think Virginia Bell

        Let a man tell her she couldn’t be a judge

        Or he’d have been appearing before her

        In a supreme case of misogyny



Why can’t girls be CEOs?

I can run a business

And handle problems

And manage money.



        Melanie Perins didn’t let being a girl

        Stop her in her tracks

        When she started up her business

        That’s now massive in tech.



So, I can be anything

Just like all those other girls?

Do you really think it’s possible

For me to be like them?



        Not only is it possible,

        It’s practically a guarantee

        And don’t let anyone tell you

        You can’t because you’re a girl.

The Hide

10/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



I looked at the hide

And sighed one of those sighs

That said to everyone around

That I did not want to be there



Last time I’d been in one of these

I’d been a small child

Dragged along by my father

And told to be quiet all the time



I remember sitting in the dark

For hours on end

With nothing to do

But stare at the walls



I wasn’t even allowed

To alleviate my boredom

To look through the binoculars

At the passing birds



Even in the half light

From the barely open hatch

I could just make out the pictures

That covered the inside walls



I knew every parrot, lorikeet, cockatoo

Every wading bird and bird of prey

All the ducks and gulls that might fly by

And every other bird besides



I’d only said in passing, you know,

That I had gone birding with my dad

But that was enough to once again

Be dragged to sit for the longest time



We stepped inside and that familiar smell

Filled my nostrils and my lungs

Memories flashed of my father’s voice

Telling me what birds to tick off



But you didn’t have a little book

To tick off birds that you’d seen

Your bag was filled with different gear

For a different generation of enthusiast



You pulled out a pair of binoculars

And hung them around your slender neck

Then reached into the bag again

And handed your pride and joy



A camera with the biggest lens

That I had seen an amateur wield

And I cradled it gently as you explained

The basics and set the auto-focus



The hide was not so boring now

It was filled with excitement under wraps

As kingfishers swooped to steal a fish

And fairy wrens flitted by



Before too long sunset came

And the hide was filled with noises new

And I knew I was hooked

Just as my dad had been before

Sonnet Redoublé

17/12/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



I

I used to know him well

As only a child can

Watching sports on TV

Though I wasn’t always a fan

His hair slicked back

The way they did

In 1950s American movies

That fascinated me as a kid

He wasn’t high in fashion

But had a certain style

A roguish handsomeness

Hiding behind an award-winning smile

There’s so much I want to learn about

That man laid out before me



II

That man laid out before me

Taught me what he knew

About life and love and all else

Before I found my own crew

He’d take me out in the garden

To dig out all the weeds

Teaching me just what to plant

And how much each one feeds

Which flowers kept away mozzies

And which attracted the bees

Where to put compost heap

And how not to hurt your knees

It was a drop in the ocean

Now I realise how little



III

Now I realise how little

And a tear falls down my cheek

There’s no one to ask the questions

For the answers I do seek

No one thought to be inquisitive

When he was still alive

We could have made a library

Or a least a substantial archive

But no one thought ahead

Too caught up in their own world

Not allowing ourselves to listen

To let his story be unfurled

Now we pay the price for this

I should have asked those questions



IV

I should have asked those questions

And not it is too late

That croaky voice can’t tell me

My curiosity will not be sate

All I have are memories

Of a creaky rocking chair

And a man who didn’t suffer fools

Shooting out a beady stare

The grandkids who annoyed him

Were treated with disdain

Giving him a wide berth

Even wider when he had his cane

And for that grizzly attitude

The answers will never come



V

The answers will never come

For fear of knowing what to ask

That wouldn’t get a gruff response

But the act was just a mask

Underneath there was a man of honour

Who lived with the horror of his time

A man who fought for queen and country

In amongst the blood and grime

He would not let his experiences

Cloud the future of his family

Yet it built a barrier between them

They saw him as scary, not manly

And the stories became fragmented

I can piece together some



VI

I can piece together some

But how do you sew together a life

To which no one holds the pieces

And hardships have been rife

He’d grown up during world war one

Too young to comprehend

The ravages on society

That this war was supposed to end

He’d been married in the depression

No grand ceremony for them

Just a priest, family and friends

But his bride a precious gem

And slowly we form a picture

From what is left behind



VII

From what is left behind

We see children being born

Though it’s not always a happy tale

As from their arms they’re torn

He’d survived the Spanish flu

Though his brother, he had not

His children, though he had many

Rarely survived their lot

Whether they survived their first year

Or were taken before their prime

Their loss was barely spoken of

A terrible function of the time

That grief was never processed and

There is no closure here



VIII

There is no closure here

For the friends lost along the way

Sacrificed to foreign battlefields

Not marked where they lay

The scars he, and so many like him,

Brought home from world war two

Were far less visible

And a feeling of isolation grew

Today we know and recognise

The trauma and its effects long lasting

A lifetimes worth, in fact,

The shadows long it’s casting

Even after he has left us

I must make peace with this



IX

I must make peace with this

Disjointed history he presents

And fill the spaces with the love

He hid from those events

The lifelong love of his wife

Who stayed through thick and thin

And saw the man underneath

And forgave him every sin

The children who survived him

Who cowered when he rose

But never saw the lengths he’d go

To protect them from the woes

And now that he’s no longer here

I wish I could sit by his feet



X

I wish I could sit by his feet

And tell him about my day

Or cook him vegetables in proper style

No matter what he might say

I’d learn how to change a tyre

Or mend a broken fence

To play a game of backgammon

And discuss common sense

We’d hang Christmas decorations

Hide Easter eggs in watering cans

Pretending to hate Valentine’s Day

And talk about holiday plans

I miss those days when I was young

Listening to stories of old



XI

Listening to stories of old

I yearn to ask the hard questions

About his thoughts on world affairs

And listen to his suggestions

But now he cannot answer

His views lost to the universe

We that are left not knowing

If they would be kind or kind of terse

He never announced his pride

But I’m sure he felt it still

As I rushed to show off trophies

It gave me such a thrill

I miss that excitement

Those times are long since gone



XII

Those times are long since gone

But every picture I see

Reminds me of the times we spent

And what he meant to me

The long hours he worked

To put food on the table

Being there for the family

As much as he was able

But men of that time did express

The bottled up everything inside

It wasn’t the manly thing to do

Their emotions they had to hide

How I want to help unlock them but

The chance has passed me by



XIII

The chance has passed me by

But I will make the most of it

I will remember the caring man

Upon whose knee I would sit

The man who would listen to me ramble

About what I’d done at school

Where I’d been last weekend

And how many laps I’d done in the pool

I’d help call him for dinner when he went deaf

While other grandkids stayed away

I think they missed the best of him

And I loved him more with each passing day

And now I must come to grips with the fact

Maybe I didn’t know him at all



XIV

Maybe I didn’t know him at all

But that’s no reason to give up

Or forget what we had

And to him I’ll raise a cup

Not a glass of wine or beer

But a mug of Earl Grey tea

That soothed him in the evening

And bonded him to me

I’ll never know all his stories

All the things that made him tick

All his hopes and dreams

But I knew him in my childish way

And I think, just maybe, it’s ok that

I used to know him well



XV

I used to know him well

That man laid out before me

Now I realise how little

I should have asked those questions

The answers will never come

I can piece together some

From what is left behind

There is no closure here

I must make peace with this

I wish I could sit by his feet

Listening to stories of old

Those times are long since gone

The chance has passed me by

Maybe I didn’t know him at all

Embarrassing: What parents want to say to their teenagers but can't

02/12/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



Oh, my god, mum

You’re so embarrassing.

How are we even related?

Can you just … not?



        All I did was turn up.

        You’d think the world ended

        Because you happen to be seen

        In public, with your mother!



What are you wearing?

You look like a grandma.

Why can’t you wear something

A little more fashionable?



        Of course, you know, don’t you,

        That if I turned up in anything

        That was even remotely fashionable

        You’d think I was trying too hard.



Do you have to talk so loudly?

Everyone can hear you

And then they look!

I don’t want them thinking it’s me.



        I don’t know if you've noticed 

        But when you get with your girlfriends

        You could fly a jet overhead

        And no one would be able to hear it.



I don’t want a hug and a kiss,

I’m not a little kid anymore.

No one else’s parents do that

It’s just weird and awkward.



        You’re such a long time an adult

        And you’ll have to forgive me

        But I wish you weren’t in such a rush

        To grow up and enjoyed childhood.



Don’t talk to my friends.

They don’t care what music you’re into

Or whether you watched a movie

Or where you went last weekend.



        I have amazing taste in music

        You’d be very surprised

        By what your friends listen to,

        Especially Janie, she likes metal.



Why can’t you look like Johnny’s mum?

She looks amazing.

I bet she doesn’t eat ice cream and chocolate

All the time like you do.



        No, she probably doesn’t

        But I don’t drink like a fish

        Like she does, either,

        And I rather be overweight, to be fair.



You’re too old to be dating.

Jessica’s mum is on her own

And she doesn’t run around

Like she’s trying to be a teenager.



        Jessica’s mum has just gotten a divorce

        From an abusive husband

        Whereas I have been on my own

        Most of your very short life.



You never let me do anything fun,

Like that concert I went to

And you made me come straight home

When everyone else was going out after.



        Friday night in the middle of the city

        Is no place for a fourteen year old

        And I will always do what is needed

        To keep you as safe as I can.



Why don’t you listen to me?

You’re so embarrassing

I just want you to be normal

Like everyone else’s mum.



        If I told you half the things, my sweet,

        About the other mums you know

        You would be horrified

        But we’re all just doing the best we can.

Heartbeat

13/10/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



Do you hear that sound?

The tiny glumph, glumph –

That too fast beat –

Which signals new life

Awaiting its day in the sun.



Do you see that flutter?

The smallest butterfly wings

Could not be as delicate

Nor as beautifully perfect

As that on the screen before us.



Do you feel that rush?

The infinitesimally tender

Yet most powerful wave

You could ever experience

In your whole life.



Do you know that realisation?

The grain of sand

That will become a pearl –

Our pearl –

Encased in our hearts forever.

Lustre

15/08/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



I thought that life had lost its lustre

That it was only full of greys

I felt the storm clouds overhead

And wept outside while it rained



I’d held your hand in waiting rooms

Driven you home with tears in my eyes

I’d mourned you every time you slept

And rejoiced in every waking hour



I scheduled appointments all over the city

Tried to find that one thing that worked

Even if it wasn’t a cure

Maybe it would buy us more time



Then one day you stood by the door

And smiled so completely serenely

You didn’t want to go see the doctor

Not this one or anyone else



The sun streamed in through the window

Giving you an angelic glow

And all I could do was surrender

Even though it meant letting go



We walked to the park instead

And sat by the pond on a bench

Other children fed ducks by the waters edge

And you rested your head on my chest



You drifted off into dreamland

Where you’d run and play as you should

And I knew that I would never wake you

Or hold you again as I did



I carried you back to your bed

A soft afternoon glow filled the room

Outside the birds were a-twittering

And my heart swelled with love for you



I called the ambulance quietly

My voice trembling as I spoke

And though you wouldn’t have heard me

I didn’t want you to know



I held your hand all the way

Because you were my little girl

My love, my world and my everything

And I couldn’t leave you all alone



Then the nurse said that it was time

But who would hold my hand

Now you were finally resting

And I was on my own?

Numb

08/07/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



I looked at her face,

Contorted in grief,

Tears streaming down her cheek,

Pitiful wails escaping her quivering lips.



She was rocking slowly,

Curled up in the chair in the corner,

Her sadness palpable

In the stillness of the room.



She couldn’t look at him,

Laid out on the bed,

IV lines still attached

And the curtains drawn.



She had her face turned away from him,

Not quite facing the wall where I stood,

My back leaning against the cold concrete,

But she didn’t see me there.



She was lost in her own pain,

The discomfort of so many years

Of hospital trips and medications,

Seeping out of her now.



She was mourning her loss

But angry at her relief

That it was finally over

And she didn’t want him to see.



She didn’t want him to know

And, at the same time,

She knew he could never know

And it was tearing her apart.



She wiped her face with the back of her hand,

Sniffed and took a deep breath,

Trying to compose herself

As she sat up in the chair.



She could always muster that strength,

Much more than I ever could.

I don’t know where it came from

But I knew that she’d need every ounce of it.



She reached out her hand, damp with tears,

Taking mine to steady her,

And she stood,

Her head lifting in defiance.



She was a tower, a beacon,

All five foot nothing of her,

And she walked out of that room

With all the grace of the queen herself.



She thanked the nurses at their station

And I stood behind, awkwardly,

As they explained what would happen next

And offered their condolences.



She listened intently,

Nodding but not speaking,

As tears continued to leak from her eyes,

Against her will, it seemed.



She walked to the car

But she could not open the door,

Her hand frozen on the handle

And I felt her crumbling before me.



I held my mother as a child

And I knew all that was waiting for me,

But not just yet.

Right then, I was numb.