Sonnet Redoublé

17/12/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



I

I used to know him well

As only a child can

Watching sports on TV

Though I wasn’t always a fan

His hair slicked back

The way they did

In 1950s American movies

That fascinated me as a kid

He wasn’t high in fashion

But had a certain style

A roguish handsomeness

Hiding behind an award-winning smile

There’s so much I want to learn about

That man laid out before me



II

That man laid out before me

Taught me what he knew

About life and love and all else

Before I found my own crew

He’d take me out in the garden

To dig out all the weeds

Teaching me just what to plant

And how much each one feeds

Which flowers kept away mozzies

And which attracted the bees

Where to put compost heap

And how not to hurt your knees

It was a drop in the ocean

Now I realise how little



III

Now I realise how little

And a tear falls down my cheek

There’s no one to ask the questions

For the answers I do seek

No one thought to be inquisitive

When he was still alive

We could have made a library

Or a least a substantial archive

But no one thought ahead

Too caught up in their own world

Not allowing ourselves to listen

To let his story be unfurled

Now we pay the price for this

I should have asked those questions



IV

I should have asked those questions

And not it is too late

That croaky voice can’t tell me

My curiosity will not be sate

All I have are memories

Of a creaky rocking chair

And a man who didn’t suffer fools

Shooting out a beady stare

The grandkids who annoyed him

Were treated with disdain

Giving him a wide berth

Even wider when he had his cane

And for that grizzly attitude

The answers will never come



V

The answers will never come

For fear of knowing what to ask

That wouldn’t get a gruff response

But the act was just a mask

Underneath there was a man of honour

Who lived with the horror of his time

A man who fought for queen and country

In amongst the blood and grime

He would not let his experiences

Cloud the future of his family

Yet it built a barrier between them

They saw him as scary, not manly

And the stories became fragmented

I can piece together some



VI

I can piece together some

But how do you sew together a life

To which no one holds the pieces

And hardships have been rife

He’d grown up during world war one

Too young to comprehend

The ravages on society

That this war was supposed to end

He’d been married in the depression

No grand ceremony for them

Just a priest, family and friends

But his bride a precious gem

And slowly we form a picture

From what is left behind



VII

From what is left behind

We see children being born

Though it’s not always a happy tale

As from their arms they’re torn

He’d survived the Spanish flu

Though his brother, he had not

His children, though he had many

Rarely survived their lot

Whether they survived their first year

Or were taken before their prime

Their loss was barely spoken of

A terrible function of the time

That grief was never processed and

There is no closure here



VIII

There is no closure here

For the friends lost along the way

Sacrificed to foreign battlefields

Not marked where they lay

The scars he, and so many like him,

Brought home from world war two

Were far less visible

And a feeling of isolation grew

Today we know and recognise

The trauma and its effects long lasting

A lifetimes worth, in fact,

The shadows long it’s casting

Even after he has left us

I must make peace with this



IX

I must make peace with this

Disjointed history he presents

And fill the spaces with the love

He hid from those events

The lifelong love of his wife

Who stayed through thick and thin

And saw the man underneath

And forgave him every sin

The children who survived him

Who cowered when he rose

But never saw the lengths he’d go

To protect them from the woes

And now that he’s no longer here

I wish I could sit by his feet



X

I wish I could sit by his feet

And tell him about my day

Or cook him vegetables in proper style

No matter what he might say

I’d learn how to change a tyre

Or mend a broken fence

To play a game of backgammon

And discuss common sense

We’d hang Christmas decorations

Hide Easter eggs in watering cans

Pretending to hate Valentine’s Day

And talk about holiday plans

I miss those days when I was young

Listening to stories of old



XI

Listening to stories of old

I yearn to ask the hard questions

About his thoughts on world affairs

And listen to his suggestions

But now he cannot answer

His views lost to the universe

We that are left not knowing

If they would be kind or kind of terse

He never announced his pride

But I’m sure he felt it still

As I rushed to show off trophies

It gave me such a thrill

I miss that excitement

Those times are long since gone



XII

Those times are long since gone

But every picture I see

Reminds me of the times we spent

And what he meant to me

The long hours he worked

To put food on the table

Being there for the family

As much as he was able

But men of that time did express

The bottled up everything inside

It wasn’t the manly thing to do

Their emotions they had to hide

How I want to help unlock them but

The chance has passed me by



XIII

The chance has passed me by

But I will make the most of it

I will remember the caring man

Upon whose knee I would sit

The man who would listen to me ramble

About what I’d done at school

Where I’d been last weekend

And how many laps I’d done in the pool

I’d help call him for dinner when he went deaf

While other grandkids stayed away

I think they missed the best of him

And I loved him more with each passing day

And now I must come to grips with the fact

Maybe I didn’t know him at all



XIV

Maybe I didn’t know him at all

But that’s no reason to give up

Or forget what we had

And to him I’ll raise a cup

Not a glass of wine or beer

But a mug of Earl Grey tea

That soothed him in the evening

And bonded him to me

I’ll never know all his stories

All the things that made him tick

All his hopes and dreams

But I knew him in my childish way

And I think, just maybe, it’s ok that

I used to know him well



XV

I used to know him well

That man laid out before me

Now I realise how little

I should have asked those questions

The answers will never come

I can piece together some

From what is left behind

There is no closure here

I must make peace with this

I wish I could sit by his feet

Listening to stories of old

Those times are long since gone

The chance has passed me by

Maybe I didn’t know him at all