No Matter Where

18/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Written in the early hours of Sunday, just after midnight,

whilst watching the funeral of Prince Philip,

Duke of Edinburgh, formerly Prince of Greece and Denmark.



Though laid to rest

In solemn ceremony

Replete with tears

Fallen on sunken cheeks

Of old comrades

Known for so many years

And from bright eyes

Of grandchildren

Who had not enough time

All standing as one

In grief

A family in mourning

Not now any greater

Nor lesser

Than any other in such sorrow

You will be remembered

By those who held you

In high esteem

And in their arms

No matter where they may lay their head

In the future

19/02/2021 –  Poem a Day Compilation



For Joshua Garrett and his mother, Katt



In the future I will be brave

But right now, I want to scream 

I long to hold you in my arms

And hear your plaintiff cries



In the future I will remember you

When others just want to forget

Because thinking of you is hard

But forgetting would be worse



In the future I want to hear your name

Said with all the love in the world

Because you were here and I love you

Though you were barely two months old



In the future I want to reminisce

About the time we had with you

But people won’t even mention you

For fear of how they’ll feel



In the future I will still grieve

But I want there to be happy tears

When I think of that precious time we had

And not how you’re no longer here



In the future I want to celebrate you

And what you meant to me

Not hide your memory away inside

Like a secret of which to be ashamed



In the future I will say your name

For everyone to hear

For you are a part of me

To which I will never say goodbye

The Dialogue

01/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Can you hear me?

        Yes, I can hear you.

I feel so alone.

        What would you like me to do?

Sit with me.

        But you won’t be able to see me.

That’s ok, I know you’re there.

         What do you want to talk about?

How much I miss you.

        I’m always here with you.

It’s not the same, though.

        I’m sorry you’re sad.

It’s not your fault.

        But I left you.

You were taken from me.

        I didn’t fight hard enough.

You fought as hard as anyone.

        I didn’t want to go.

You’re still here.



In my mind.

Missing You

08/01/2021 – Poem a Day



Alone

Broken inside

Crying

Dying without you

Engulfed

Forever searching

Grieving

Holding on to the memory

I

Just can’t

Knotted

Lost in the world

Mourning

Never letting go

Outcries

Pouring from my soul

Questioning

Reasons I don’t understand

Sobbing

Tired beyond belief

Unable

Vulnerable as I am

Weeping

Xenacious

Yet I remain a

Zombie

The Eulogy

13/12/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



No words come

I am bereft

Of what there is to say



My hand won’t write

This day won’t end

The grief won’t be held at bay



I take the pen

And set it down

Let the tears fall free



This is no time

For eloquence

It is the time to see



What has been

And always will

Yet feels so far away



I cannot touch

I cannot hold

But stays with me every day



The pain is fresh

My heart is broke

I want to be alone



I close my eyes

And see you there

Imagining the smell of your cologne



I miss your face

I crave your smile

I fear what is in store



Where are you

When I need you?

I don’t want to do this anymore

Lustre

15/08/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



I thought that life had lost its lustre

That it was only full of greys

I felt the storm clouds overhead

And wept outside while it rained



I’d held your hand in waiting rooms

Driven you home with tears in my eyes

I’d mourned you every time you slept

And rejoiced in every waking hour



I scheduled appointments all over the city

Tried to find that one thing that worked

Even if it wasn’t a cure

Maybe it would buy us more time



Then one day you stood by the door

And smiled so completely serenely

You didn’t want to go see the doctor

Not this one or anyone else



The sun streamed in through the window

Giving you an angelic glow

And all I could do was surrender

Even though it meant letting go



We walked to the park instead

And sat by the pond on a bench

Other children fed ducks by the waters edge

And you rested your head on my chest



You drifted off into dreamland

Where you’d run and play as you should

And I knew that I would never wake you

Or hold you again as I did



I carried you back to your bed

A soft afternoon glow filled the room

Outside the birds were a-twittering

And my heart swelled with love for you



I called the ambulance quietly

My voice trembling as I spoke

And though you wouldn’t have heard me

I didn’t want you to know



I held your hand all the way

Because you were my little girl

My love, my world and my everything

And I couldn’t leave you all alone



Then the nurse said that it was time

But who would hold my hand

Now you were finally resting

And I was on my own?

The Intimacy of Small Things

10/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I don’t miss the way you’d leave the towels

In a pile on the floor after you’d had a shower

And I had to put them back on the towel rail

So they would actually dry off again.

 

I do miss the way you’d shimmer and shine

When you stepped out of the shower

All drippy and covered in goose bumps

From the cold, mid-August night air.

 

I don’t miss the cheap flowers bought in haste

At the petrol station on the corner every year

Because you’d forgotten to plan ahead, again,

And you were already in the bad books.

 

I do miss the wrap around hugs of an evening

When I was trying to do the washing up

And you’d tell me about your day at work

Before planting a kiss on my cheek.

 

I don’t miss the constant disagreements

Over whether the toilet paper should sit

With the next sheet hanging over or under

When you knew I was clearly right.

 

I do miss the constant reminders you’d leave

Around the house before you left for your bus,

Written hastily on post it notes which half stuck,

That said, “I love you” or “I miss you already.”

 

I don’t miss the long hours at the hospital

Waiting for the myriad of tests to come back

And the rounds of treatment that you hated

Because they made you feel like a burden.

 

I do miss the sneaky smiles I’d catch you in

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

That made me break into a smile as well

And you’d ask me why I was smiling.

 

I don’t miss the snoring in my ear

When I was trying to read for five minutes

After not having a moment to myself all day

Then you claiming next morning you don’t snore.

 

I do miss lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed

After the kids were old enough, and trusted,

To get their own toast for breakfast

Without destroying every room they entered.

 

I don’t miss the beeping machines

Every night while you were in that bed

Hooked up to drips and ventilators

That kept your body ticking over.

 

I do miss your voice, with its slight lilt,

Promising you’ll remember next time

And it won’t happen again but I’d give anything

To find one more wet towel on the floor.

My Favourite Meal

25/05/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

This isn’t my favourite food.

It’s not even in my top ten.

But every year I eat it

Because it makes me think of you.

 

We came here so long ago

On our perfect second date

After the first one was disastrous

And you begged for another chance.

 

We ate and talked and laughed and drank

And wiled away the hours.

Before we knew any time had passed

We were being ushered out the door.

 

The years, they were good to us,

With many a happy time.

That’s not to say there weren’t tears

And angry words besides.

 

But this year, I ate alone

At a table meant for two.

The waiter didn’t clear your place

But put a rose across your plate instead.

 

The owner has waived the bill

In honour of our love

And asked if I’ll be back next year,

But all I could do was cry.

The Ghost of Winters Past

03/05/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation



A shadow crossed my face today.

I thought it was just the trees

But looking back, I think I was wrong;

I think it might have been you.



I feel your soul in every sunbeam,

On every snowflake that falls,

With every breeze that kisses my cheek

And through all the years that lapse.



Your spirit lifts me when I am down,

When I am deep in the heart of darkness,

Surrounded by the cold night air,

And scared of everything that moves.



I see your presence as I walk this city,

In that building that you laid mortar for,

In those sculptures you crafted,

In the smile of our child as we play.



I have visions of you as I sleep,

Wrapping your arms around me

And telling me that it’s ok

But how can it be when you’re not here?



I hear your voice sometimes,

And I turn to answer you

But there’s no one there,

Just an hallucination, haunting me,



You are a shade on a clear blue day,

Misting my eyes so I cannot see you;

I can’t unsee you, though.

You’re burned into my memory.



You drift from me,

A phantom of delight.

Never quite within my reach,

Slipping slowly away forever.



The dreaded spectre of a life without you

Looms large and foreboding now,

Though it never feels real,

As if you’d walk through the door any moment.



I am spooked by the noises this old house makes,

The creaks like footsteps on the stairs

And the whistling of wind through cracks

You promised to repair before you …



I get thrown by fleeting sights of men

Who bear some passing resemblance to you,

A doppelganger sent to tease me

When I all I wish is to grieve in peace.



You are but a wraith,

Lingering too long, perhaps,

Unable to let go of this mortal coil,

Unable to let me be free.



Were I blessed with an apparition of you

I may finally be able to say goodbye,

To give you your release and,

In so doing, let my heart heal.



But the strings that bind us

Cannot be cut so easily

And you are with me always,

My precious Eidolon.