Temptation

02/01/2021 - Poem a Day Compilation



That which I saw, I wanted –

To touch, to hold, to have –

Yet you were not mine to possess

And I had no choice but to resist.



The desire flowed through me completely,

Taking over my every sense,

And my only defence was you

Being of sound and moral character.



I craved your undivided attention

With every fibre of my being,

Regardless of the damage

It would undoubtedly do to me.



I fought the urge to tell you,

Knowing my rejection would surely follow;

My heart, at once broken

And hopeful at the very same time.



I could not stand it when we touched

Ever for the barest of moments,

The impulses it sent coursing through me

Made my brain tingle and spark.



My appetite for your embrace

Grew with every passing day

For when you wrapped your arms around me

There was no safer place I could be.





When we parted I wanted to scream

My longing to the night sky

But, instead, I breathed in sweet relief

That you held my heart at arms-length.



This attraction towards you that I felt

Pulled me nearer and nearer to you

Until I could bear it no longer

And I retreated into my shell.



The temptation to break the rules

Is just as strong now as it was then,

But I know this yearning is not reciprocated

And I would be the one to be broken.

This Poem is Not For You

16/11/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



This poem is not for you.

It is for me,

And only me,

Because if you saw it

My heart would break

And I would never want

For you to knowingly

Be the cause of my pain.



I know what I need:

To release you

So I may be released

But I fear not feeling,

I fear the emptiness

That would pervade my soul

When I no longer yearn

For something I can’t have.



This poem is not for you.

It is for my heart

And it’s unrequited love

Because I cannot tell you

My heart’s desire

And the longing I feel

For you to be mine and

Be part of my world.



I am bound, inextricably,

To a feeling I cannot share

So to set myself free

But I do not wish to be free

I cannot exist beyond this cage

That I have built around myself

When it’s all I have left

For my heart to hold onto.



This poem is not for you.

It is a cry into the void

And you are not there

Because you don’t belong;

My world is not your world

And I cannot ask

For you to step out of yours and

Be uncomfortable in mine.



I wish things could be different,

To have this feeling transform

So you could feel it too

But that is not possible:

I am alone in this void

That I have created

When I knew there was no chance

For us to be as I hoped.

All or Nothing

07/09/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



When we met

I gave you my smile –

It shone like diamonds

Lighting the room around me.



When we fell in love

I gave myself to you

And all that it entails

Without fear or hesitation.



When we married

I gave you my heart

To safeguard forever

As if it were your own.



When our child was born

I gave you my body

With my tiger stripes

And tired eyes.



When you left

You gave me nothing

You took the best of me

But now I start again without you.



When I found myself

I gave myself permission

To live again, to love again,

And be all that I can be.

Do Not Cry

29/08/2020 –  Poem a Day Compilation



Do not cry, my sweet,

I cannot stand your tears.

They sting like nettles overgrown

And cut a thousand times as deep.



I long to dry your eyes, my love,

But how do I stop the rain from falling?

There’s no magic in these hands

And my words can cast no spells.



If I could take away your pain, my dear,

Scrunch it up into a little ball

And throw it into the fiery pits of hell,

I would not hesitate at all.



There is nothing I wouldn’t do, my precious,

To ease your hurting heart,

To give it back it’s vigour

And return to you your soul.



Because with every tear you shed, my beloved,

When you lay your head on my shoulder

I feel your heart break afresh

And I know there’s nothing I can do.

Poison

12/07/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



It was May, 2004

And I stood outside the Enmore

Taking in the lights of Newtown

Waiting for the doors to open.



You’d bought the tickets so long ago

When we were better together

So, tell me why I was there

Waiting for you to arrive.



You were always late.

It was one of my pet peeves.

And you knew it annoyed me

More than almost anything.



You loved that band and would say

“Every rose has its thorn”

Whenever I brought it up

But you were more thorn than rose.



This night out was the last gasp,

The last nail in the coffin perhaps,

Of a relationship that was already dead

But just hadn’t realised it yet.



Life loves a tragedy, I suppose,

And we were absolute proof of it,

Two big personalities on a collision course

Destined to burn up worlds in our wake.



That night was supposed to give us

Something to believe in –

A shared past to cling on to

And rekindle what we had.



But there was nothing left to salvage

From this car crash of a relationship,

And standing in that line I knew

That this would be a last hurrah.



You used to call me your fallen angel.

I was really a bird whose wings you’d clipped,

Wanting desperately to be uncaged,

Set free in the big wide world.



Looking back, I can see tight you clung

To the idea that I was this perfect girlfriend

Who made you look good by extension

But in reality we ripped each other apart.



Life goes on, even when our hearts break,

Because we know what we deserve,

Even when that realisation hurts,

And being second best is not it.



I’ve lived so much more since that night

Without you holding me back

Or telling me it wasn’t worth my time

And making me afraid to try,



Now I ride the wind wherever it takes me –

I’ve seen the world without you,

And met the most interesting people,

All because I found myself in losing you.



You lived in your little bubble

And it was suffocating me

You said if I loved you, I’d stay

And maybe you were right.



I won’t forget you,

You were my biggest mistake,

But one I needed to make to grow

And find out who I was inside.



On that cool autumn night

Way back, over a decade ago,

I found out you were my poison

And I walked through those doors alone.

Wrong

11/06/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I thought maybe I was in the wrong,

But I wasn’t.

Well, not for the reason I imagined.

 

You treated me like shit

All along

And I thought that was my fault.

 

I didn’t want to see the bad in you,

Blinded myself,

But you showed your true colours tonight.

 

Your fragile little ego couldn’t handle it

When I said,

“Fuck off with your false equivalence.”

 

Afterall, you’d just brought up the Nazi’s –

Godwin’s law –

In a conversation about slavery in a movie.

 

I suppose I did open the door for it, though,

When I said,

“History is mostly written by the victors”

 

And you came back with the inevitable line,

So predictable,

“Oh, so the Nazi’s weren’t so bad.”

 

Your underlying racism had been bothering me.

I knew.

The friendship was always going to run aground.

 

I should have listened to my gut from the start

But I didn’t,

I told myself that I imagined all that stuff.

 

The ten plus years that you pursued me,

Despite protestations,

Should have told me not to trust you.

 

I wanted to be with you so much but

Not like that,

Not while you were still married.

 

When you divorced you spun your story,

Narcissistic lies,

And I bought it hook, line and sinker.

 

But you couldn’t give me what I wanted

And never would,

And the romance that never was faded.

 

I should have ended it then and there,

But I didn’t,

Because I thought you needed my friendship.

 

You made me believe your sob story

(Shame one me)

Because it was my own sob story, too.

 

I wanted to save you and change you,

And myself,

But you don’t have anything worth saving.

 

I also didn’t want to be alone in life,

Forever,

And I’d have settled for less than mediocre.

 

But then I met someone who filled the void,

Who wasn’t you,

And the light started to dawn on me.

 

You weren’t nearly good enough for me

And I saw

In him everything that you were not.

 

I saw a caring, compassionate person,

Considerate,

And comfortable in their own skin.

 

Sure, they weren’t perfect by any means –

No one is –

But they didn’t need to be when by my side.

 

I wonder how long it will be until you fold,

Come crawling back

Full of false apologies and fake remorse.

 

I’m not sorry for anything I said to you,

Not one bit,

And I have finally woken up to myself.

 

All those times you pressed my buttons

Just to see

What kind of reaction you’d get out of me.

 

Did no one ever tell you not to poke a bear?

Not once?

Well, you poked this bear one too many times.

 

One day I will learn to forgive myself –

Not today –

But I will never forget the lesson you taught me.

The Affair That Never Was, Or Might Have Been

23/05/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I don’t know when it started.

The casual flirting on both sides,

Feeling perfectly natural and quite alright,

But looking back, sin hides.

 

              Do you remember me sitting there

              With your wife just beside us,

              Your hand on my bare thigh

              But no one made a fuss.

 

There were clearly signs we missed,

Or maybe chose to ignore.

And once we stepped over each line

We couldn’t return to the one before.

 

              We’d dance together, laugh together,

              Forget the rest of the world.

              We’d wine together, dine together,

              Our friendship fully unfurled.

 

The moment came, I remember well,

As we stood together that day,

Away from everybody else

Without a word to say.

 

              We understood each other

              (ourselves not so much),

              We both knew on some level

              This wouldn’t stop with a touch.

 

We faced out to the ocean,

You wrapped your arms around me.

This was nothing new, you know,

It was a natural way to be.

 

              I wanted to melt into you,

              Dreams and reality to be one,

              Our love blinding us forever,

              Burning brighter than the sun.

 

I felt you pressed against my back

And closed my eyes to the view.

I wanted to hold onto the moment

And be forever with you.

 

              I knew what I wanted from you

              But I was afraid of asking –

              Maybe you didn’t feel it

              Or were you too good at masking?

 

You dropped your head and kissed mine,

Light and delicately placed

And even now I’m taken back

To when you made my heart race.

 

              I turned to face you then

              And we shared a knowing look

              My heart crying out for you

              And my heart an open book.

 

But no matter what my heart wanted

My mind had to draw the line

And not allow us to step over

No matter how I may pine.

 

              I sunk my face into your chest,

              My cheek against your shirt;

              I felt safe and warm and loved

Far beyond a simple flirt.

 

I’ve dreamt of what might have been,

Our lips have met in my sleep,

But in real life I pulled away

And this secret I would keep.

 

              You tucked your hand under my chin

              To look into my eyes,

              I caught my breath in anticipation

              And your mouth told no lies.

 

But what if I hadn’t?

What might have been?

Where might we be now?

How would we be seen?

 

              Our worlds collided then,

              There was no turning back –

              Changing the course of history;

              Walking down a different track

 

We’ve stayed friends through this

But it’s not the same as it was before

Never knowing that connection

And always wanting more.

 

              The secret we kept weighed heavily,

              Moments stolen when we could,

              Not wanting to let you go

              Even though it was for the greater good.

 

I could have asked you to choose

But I knew what you’d say.

I’d rather let you go

Than have you throw me away.

 

              I’d always want more

              Than you could ever give,

              And you’d return home to her

              Yet, somehow, I’d forgive.

 

It’s been more than a decade

And I still long for your touch.

Fleeting hugs drag me in,

But feelings cost too much.

 

              But I could never forgive myself

              For wanting what wasn’t mine.

              I begged for you to stay with me,

              Or for some kind of sign.

 

My heart breaks when I see you

And I know this never ends

But I can’t give you up

My torment is that we’re friends.

 

              Together, we’d light fireworks

              Alone, the dark crept in.

              I could not keep our secret,

              I wished for it not to begin.

 

Even in my dreams

You’re not the one for me

And I pray that you’ll release me,

Please, set me free.