Cantankerous (Sometimes I think)

03/04/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Sometimes I think you’re crotchety

An old man sitting in your chair

Annoyed at the world around you

And taking it out on all of us



Sometimes I think you’re just stubborn

Set in your ways since forever

Unable to change how you live or love

And unwilling to make any compromise



Sometimes I think you’re bloody-minded

Deliberately setting yourself at odds

With the rest of the family

Who only want you to be happy



Sometimes I think you’re ill-natured

From a life too hard to comprehend

And I wouldn’t surprise me in the least

If it played on your mind all too often



Sometimes I think you’re being testy

And it takes little to set you off

Your temper quick to irritate

And you’re becoming increasingly impatient



Sometimes I think you’re simply cranky

Grumbling about all of life’s woes

How nothing ever seems to be easy

And life is one struggle after another



Sometimes I think you’re grumpy

And grouchy and gruff and aggrieved

The whole world seems to be against you

Even if that’s in your own mind



Sometimes I think that you’re crabby

A surly curl to your top lip

Snapping and overly combative

Over even the most minor of things



Sometimes I think you’re temperamental

Prone to bouts of unreasonableness

With your quarrelsome nature overriding

All the good that hides deep inside



Sometimes I think you’re petulant

Like a child who can’t get their way

Arrogantly insisting everyone fall in line

Like a boorish sergeant-major



Sometimes I think you’re obnoxious

Acting out in spite against all who care

Making for many a prickly encounter

When it could have been so very different



Sometimes I think you’re cantankerous

But I know that’s not all that you are

And I must summon all my strength

To make it out from the cloud around you

Shade

08/03/2021 - Poem a Day Compilation



I’m done living in your shadow,

Letting you shine at my expense,

When I should be the one glowing,

Living high on my own success.



I’ve let you take all the credit

For the triumphs in our lives

When I’ve worked more hours

And driven every achievement.



But I can’t take it anymore

Because you don’t see the harm

In letting the world believe

That everything is about you.



You’ve spent all our lives together

Gaslighting me and putting me down

But I’m seeing you for what you are

And it’s my time to throw some shade.

A Perfect Day

13/02/2021 – Poem a Day Compilation



Is there such a thing as a perfect day?

Is it just something that people say?



You might want the great outdoors,

But that perfection is simply yours.



Mine might be very different,

So, don’t be so vociferant.



I might want the rainy weather,

Perfect for snuggling up together.



You might crave the city lights,

The sparkle and shine of crazy nights.



I might prefer reading under covers,

Wondering if characters are friends or lovers.



You might want adventure and daring

Coming to together in the perfect pairing.



While I might need something more sedate,

Maybe watching a movie while staying up late.



You might rather steak and chips

Or buffalo wings with various dips.



I might be more partial to a seafood platter

Or crepes that could not get any flatter.



But no matter what it is we do

I know it’s perfect if it’s with you.

Mood

08/12/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



I’d like to escape from myself sometimes

When the sadness overwhelms me.

It’s always with me, deep inside

A sinking melancholy dragging me down.



I am forlorn and in despair,

There is nothing I can do

No saving grace to pull me through

And I must only survive this downheartedness.



I am not worth the time or effort

To repair my broken soul.

Just abandon me here,

Because I am not of any value.



It is laughable that I should be held

To be the best person for the job

Regardless of what the position is,

I will never meet the requirements.



I hate myself for feeling this way

But there’s no one to blame by myself,

Every day, I must atone for the wrong

That I have wrought every day prior.



I think about the world without me,

How much better that might be.

If I weren’t here to screw things up,

And no one would miss me anyhow.



I don’t want to go out to the movies,

Or read that book you recommended.

I don’t want to play football this year,

I just can’t be bothered anymore.



People say they’re trying to help

But they don’t stick around very long,

They get tired of me and leave,

Not that I blame them for that.



I haven’t slept in so long,

Not real sleep, anyway.

I lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling,

Wondering why I’m even here.



I don’t eat anymore.

Not unless I’m forced to.

The doctors say it’s unhealthy

But they don’t really care.



I just want to be left alone,

To stay in bed and not do anything,

I don’t want to move, or work,

Or talk to these people who say they’re friends.



Don’t talk to me right now,

I can’t focus on what you’re saying.

My mind is off, somewhere,

Anywhere but here.



No, I don’t know what I want to put on,

I don’t care what colour it is,

Why are you asking me to decide?

I don’t know what you want.



I stood at the top of the cliffs

I swallowed all the pills in the cabinet

I drove into a tree at high speed

But none of you will let me go.



The pain I feel is excoriating,

Every joint aches all the time.

I just want to be free from it all

And to not have the agony prolonged.



My bag is packed and under my bed,

Like it has been since I was twelve

I don’t want to be here

But you won’t let me leave this place.



Nothing I do is right,

I can’t live like this any more

The constant attempts and failures

Are eating away at my very soul.



You all have it so easy,

You breeze through every hurdle.

I hate what this world has made me

And I hate the world as well.



One day I will burn this place

And everything it contains.

Maybe it will take me, too,

And I will be at peace.

Friendship

21/11/2020 – Poem a Day Compilation



I have never been good at friendships

Or relationships with any substance

I seem to always expect too much

Because I give my everything



I’ve had to learn not to give so much

Of myself to other people

Because it’s never returned in equal measure

And I feel myself being drained



I look at people who have friends

Who can drop everything to help each other

And I wonder what that’s really like

To have lives so intertwined



I have grown increasingly accustomed

To doing things on my own

That I have forgotten how to ask, I think

But I also never feel disappointed



I used to keep things bottled up

Because I thought people would think

I am not as strong as I should be

And I never wanted to be seen as weak



Now I do the very same thing

but for very different reasons

I don’t trust people to care enough

To go out of their way for me



I want a friendship of shared experiences

Not of managing expectations

The bar for which drops ever lower

With every day that passes

Poison

12/07/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



It was May, 2004

And I stood outside the Enmore

Taking in the lights of Newtown

Waiting for the doors to open.



You’d bought the tickets so long ago

When we were better together

So, tell me why I was there

Waiting for you to arrive.



You were always late.

It was one of my pet peeves.

And you knew it annoyed me

More than almost anything.



You loved that band and would say

“Every rose has its thorn”

Whenever I brought it up

But you were more thorn than rose.



This night out was the last gasp,

The last nail in the coffin perhaps,

Of a relationship that was already dead

But just hadn’t realised it yet.



Life loves a tragedy, I suppose,

And we were absolute proof of it,

Two big personalities on a collision course

Destined to burn up worlds in our wake.



That night was supposed to give us

Something to believe in –

A shared past to cling on to

And rekindle what we had.



But there was nothing left to salvage

From this car crash of a relationship,

And standing in that line I knew

That this would be a last hurrah.



You used to call me your fallen angel.

I was really a bird whose wings you’d clipped,

Wanting desperately to be uncaged,

Set free in the big wide world.



Looking back, I can see tight you clung

To the idea that I was this perfect girlfriend

Who made you look good by extension

But in reality we ripped each other apart.



Life goes on, even when our hearts break,

Because we know what we deserve,

Even when that realisation hurts,

And being second best is not it.



I’ve lived so much more since that night

Without you holding me back

Or telling me it wasn’t worth my time

And making me afraid to try,



Now I ride the wind wherever it takes me –

I’ve seen the world without you,

And met the most interesting people,

All because I found myself in losing you.



You lived in your little bubble

And it was suffocating me

You said if I loved you, I’d stay

And maybe you were right.



I won’t forget you,

You were my biggest mistake,

But one I needed to make to grow

And find out who I was inside.



On that cool autumn night

Way back, over a decade ago,

I found out you were my poison

And I walked through those doors alone.

The Seasons

06/05/2020 - Iso Well-Being Compilation 



You are cold like the winter,

Aloof and indifferent,

Making you hard to read

And keeping me at arm’s length.



You run hot like summer months,

Easy to anger,

Firey and unpredictable,

And I am running scared.



You’re warm like springtime,

Wrapping me in your arms,

Telling me everything will be ok

And I am drawn in all over again.



You are cool as an autumn breeze,

Hinting at what’s to come,

So tantalizingly calm,

But I have to get away.