Mood

08/12/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



I’d like to escape from myself sometimes

When the sadness overwhelms me.

It’s always with me, deep inside

A sinking melancholy dragging me down.



I am forlorn and in despair,

There is nothing I can do

No saving grace to pull me through

And I must only survive this downheartedness.



I am not worth the time or effort

To repair my broken soul.

Just abandon me here,

Because I am not of any value.



It is laughable that I should be held

To be the best person for the job

Regardless of what the position is,

I will never meet the requirements.



I hate myself for feeling this way

But there’s no one to blame by myself,

Every day, I must atone for the wrong

That I have wrought every day prior.



I think about the world without me,

How much better that might be.

If I weren’t here to screw things up,

And no one would miss me anyhow.



I don’t want to go out to the movies,

Or read that book you recommended.

I don’t want to play football this year,

I just can’t be bothered anymore.



People say they’re trying to help

But they don’t stick around very long,

They get tired of me and leave,

Not that I blame them for that.



I haven’t slept in so long,

Not real sleep, anyway.

I lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling,

Wondering why I’m even here.



I don’t eat anymore.

Not unless I’m forced to.

The doctors say it’s unhealthy

But they don’t really care.



I just want to be left alone,

To stay in bed and not do anything,

I don’t want to move, or work,

Or talk to these people who say they’re friends.



Don’t talk to me right now,

I can’t focus on what you’re saying.

My mind is off, somewhere,

Anywhere but here.



No, I don’t know what I want to put on,

I don’t care what colour it is,

Why are you asking me to decide?

I don’t know what you want.



I stood at the top of the cliffs

I swallowed all the pills in the cabinet

I drove into a tree at high speed

But none of you will let me go.



The pain I feel is excoriating,

Every joint aches all the time.

I just want to be free from it all

And to not have the agony prolonged.



My bag is packed and under my bed,

Like it has been since I was twelve

I don’t want to be here

But you won’t let me leave this place.



Nothing I do is right,

I can’t live like this any more

The constant attempts and failures

Are eating away at my very soul.



You all have it so easy,

You breeze through every hurdle.

I hate what this world has made me

And I hate the world as well.



One day I will burn this place

And everything it contains.

Maybe it will take me, too,

And I will be at peace.

The Affair That Never Was, Or Might Have Been

23/05/2020 – Iso Well-Being Compilation

 

I don’t know when it started.

The casual flirting on both sides,

Feeling perfectly natural and quite alright,

But looking back, sin hides.

 

              Do you remember me sitting there

              With your wife just beside us,

              Your hand on my bare thigh

              But no one made a fuss.

 

There were clearly signs we missed,

Or maybe chose to ignore.

And once we stepped over each line

We couldn’t return to the one before.

 

              We’d dance together, laugh together,

              Forget the rest of the world.

              We’d wine together, dine together,

              Our friendship fully unfurled.

 

The moment came, I remember well,

As we stood together that day,

Away from everybody else

Without a word to say.

 

              We understood each other

              (ourselves not so much),

              We both knew on some level

              This wouldn’t stop with a touch.

 

We faced out to the ocean,

You wrapped your arms around me.

This was nothing new, you know,

It was a natural way to be.

 

              I wanted to melt into you,

              Dreams and reality to be one,

              Our love blinding us forever,

              Burning brighter than the sun.

 

I felt you pressed against my back

And closed my eyes to the view.

I wanted to hold onto the moment

And be forever with you.

 

              I knew what I wanted from you

              But I was afraid of asking –

              Maybe you didn’t feel it

              Or were you too good at masking?

 

You dropped your head and kissed mine,

Light and delicately placed

And even now I’m taken back

To when you made my heart race.

 

              I turned to face you then

              And we shared a knowing look

              My heart crying out for you

              And my heart an open book.

 

But no matter what my heart wanted

My mind had to draw the line

And not allow us to step over

No matter how I may pine.

 

              I sunk my face into your chest,

              My cheek against your shirt;

              I felt safe and warm and loved

Far beyond a simple flirt.

 

I’ve dreamt of what might have been,

Our lips have met in my sleep,

But in real life I pulled away

And this secret I would keep.

 

              You tucked your hand under my chin

              To look into my eyes,

              I caught my breath in anticipation

              And your mouth told no lies.

 

But what if I hadn’t?

What might have been?

Where might we be now?

How would we be seen?

 

              Our worlds collided then,

              There was no turning back –

              Changing the course of history;

              Walking down a different track

 

We’ve stayed friends through this

But it’s not the same as it was before

Never knowing that connection

And always wanting more.

 

              The secret we kept weighed heavily,

              Moments stolen when we could,

              Not wanting to let you go

              Even though it was for the greater good.

 

I could have asked you to choose

But I knew what you’d say.

I’d rather let you go

Than have you throw me away.

 

              I’d always want more

              Than you could ever give,

              And you’d return home to her

              Yet, somehow, I’d forgive.

 

It’s been more than a decade

And I still long for your touch.

Fleeting hugs drag me in,

But feelings cost too much.

 

              But I could never forgive myself

              For wanting what wasn’t mine.

              I begged for you to stay with me,

              Or for some kind of sign.

 

My heart breaks when I see you

And I know this never ends

But I can’t give you up

My torment is that we’re friends.

 

              Together, we’d light fireworks

              Alone, the dark crept in.

              I could not keep our secret,

              I wished for it not to begin.

 

Even in my dreams

You’re not the one for me

And I pray that you’ll release me,

Please, set me free.

Sweet Child of Mine

I held you in my arms, sweet child,
When you were just a babe.
Your eyes, they danced like fairy lights
And caused my heart to flutter.

You could never know, sweet child,
What the world held for you.
I made a promise then and there
That nothing would ever hurt you.

Some things just aren't meant, sweet child,
To turn out for the best.
I couldn't keep my promise to you,
I was the one who hurt you.

I gave you everything, sweet child,
That money could ever buy
But, right at this moment in time,
Money won't help mend a broken heart.

You should know by now, sweet child,
That I always loved you.
All I ask is that you love me
And forgive me now, when I ask.

I won't be there, sweet child,
To hear it when you say the words
I've hoped and prayed you will
Because I can't ever ask again.

You don't know, sweet child,
how much I wanted to stay.
It tore me up inside, night and day,
To see the pain I was causing.

Some day you will see, sweet child,
The truth of this situation.
I know you blame me for leaving you
But forgive me in my absence.

I always loved you, sweet child,
Whatever you might think now.
Don't let anyone tell you differently
Because it simply isn't true.

If it could be different, sweet child,
I would change it in a heartbeat.
I would give anything to hear your voice.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.

Tend to my memory, sweet child,
Don't let it fade away
For a person can live forever
If only in the hearts of others.

Now that I am gone, sweet child,
I can't protect you anymore.
Everyone dies and it's not my fault
But forgive me, sweet child of mine.