Mood

08/12/2020 - Poem a Day Compilation



I’d like to escape from myself sometimes

When the sadness overwhelms me.

It’s always with me, deep inside

A sinking melancholy dragging me down.



I am forlorn and in despair,

There is nothing I can do

No saving grace to pull me through

And I must only survive this downheartedness.



I am not worth the time or effort

To repair my broken soul.

Just abandon me here,

Because I am not of any value.



It is laughable that I should be held

To be the best person for the job

Regardless of what the position is,

I will never meet the requirements.



I hate myself for feeling this way

But there’s no one to blame by myself,

Every day, I must atone for the wrong

That I have wrought every day prior.



I think about the world without me,

How much better that might be.

If I weren’t here to screw things up,

And no one would miss me anyhow.



I don’t want to go out to the movies,

Or read that book you recommended.

I don’t want to play football this year,

I just can’t be bothered anymore.



People say they’re trying to help

But they don’t stick around very long,

They get tired of me and leave,

Not that I blame them for that.



I haven’t slept in so long,

Not real sleep, anyway.

I lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling,

Wondering why I’m even here.



I don’t eat anymore.

Not unless I’m forced to.

The doctors say it’s unhealthy

But they don’t really care.



I just want to be left alone,

To stay in bed and not do anything,

I don’t want to move, or work,

Or talk to these people who say they’re friends.



Don’t talk to me right now,

I can’t focus on what you’re saying.

My mind is off, somewhere,

Anywhere but here.



No, I don’t know what I want to put on,

I don’t care what colour it is,

Why are you asking me to decide?

I don’t know what you want.



I stood at the top of the cliffs

I swallowed all the pills in the cabinet

I drove into a tree at high speed

But none of you will let me go.



The pain I feel is excoriating,

Every joint aches all the time.

I just want to be free from it all

And to not have the agony prolonged.



My bag is packed and under my bed,

Like it has been since I was twelve

I don’t want to be here

But you won’t let me leave this place.



Nothing I do is right,

I can’t live like this any more

The constant attempts and failures

Are eating away at my very soul.



You all have it so easy,

You breeze through every hurdle.

I hate what this world has made me

And I hate the world as well.



One day I will burn this place

And everything it contains.

Maybe it will take me, too,

And I will be at peace.

Last Words

20/07/2020 -  Poem a Day Compilation



The taste of death is upon my lips. I feel something that is not of this earth.

- Mozart (1756-1791)

I am alone with my thoughts

And they are not good

As I await the emptiness

That death brings.



I straddle the void

Between living and dying,

Not knowing how my passing

Will affect those I leave behind.



What words might bring them comfort

As I slip away into nothingness?

My body but an empty shell,

No longer yearning for one more day.



Are there any words?

Maybe it will be a look, a gesture,

That stays with them

Long after I shuffle off this mortal coil.



Perhaps these will be my final words,

Written and not uttered by these lips

That have kissed too few times

And spoken in haste too many.



I hear them on the stairs,

My children now grown so big.

I must think of something witty to say

Lest they find me wanting of a quicker tongue.



I hope they cannot feel this pain

Of wanting to say so much

But not having the words to speak

Though I fear I betray myself.



No words are coming,

No repartee to delight their ears.

Just a vacant stare from behind dull eyes

Though I long to see them one more time.



I am alone with my thoughts

Of love and happy memories

That spill from my eyes involuntarily

As if to say goodbye.